b3ta.com user DrDerekDoctors
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Recent front page messages:


(Mon 18th Mar 2013, 22:30, More)

One for mothers everywhere...

(Sat 25th Feb 2006, 19:38, More)

Meh, not my best...
not my best......but what the hell.

(Tue 7th Feb 2006, 21:16, More)

One for the ladies...

(Tue 24th Jan 2006, 20:39, More)

Explosm fan-art
But I thought it was easily tasteless enough for this board. ;)

(Sat 21st Jan 2006, 13:46, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

I was on the bus...
...when I noticed someone get on with their flies undone. I spent the rest of the journey agonising over whether to tell them until it was time to get off. As I pass him I say "word to the wise, your fly is undone." and point at his crotch.
As he's staring at me from the bus window as it moves away I see him pull hitherto unseen earphones from his ears meaning that basically what he remembers happening is a stranger coming up to him on a bus, and pointing at his cock.
(Thu 17th Aug 2006, 22:40, More)

» School Days

We had a drama teacher called Mrs Willoughby...
...and at the end of our first lesson she asked us all to curl up into little balls on the ground, to which I thought, "Oh, it'll be that growing into a tree thing.".

Then, while still curled up, the 4pm bell went and she said we could leave. I asked her what it was about on the way out and she said, "I just wanted to see how stupid you all looked.".

She was a great teacher.
(Sat 31st Jan 2009, 11:26, More)

» Family Holidays

I went on a camping holiday...
...with my best friend, James, and his parents. And I gave them all nits.
(Sat 4th Aug 2007, 9:12, More)

» Stupid Dares

When I was six...
...I was dared to jump off of a garage roof for a single Murray Mint.

I snapped my ankle.

But got a whole packet of Murray Mints!

I don't even like Murray Mints.
(Sun 4th Nov 2007, 12:59, More)

» Unexpected Good Fortune

When I was at school I was bullied...
...by a cunt called Martin Newton. Little gobshite.

Anyhoo, fast-forward many years later and I'm at work at an inbound tele-response company (ie, we get called instead of doing the calling and pissing people off) taking calls for a hamper company at Christmas. This nice woman calls from the village I used to live in when I was at school with Martin and I mention that I used to live there and was friends with a chap called Andrew. She says "Oh, he's my cousin!" so we chat a bit and then I mention Martin Newton, and she tells me that his house just burned down.

Best Christmas ever!

Apologies for kinda' drifting off-topic, but he was a cunt.
(Sun 17th Sep 2006, 21:51, More)
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