» Advice from Old People

OAP Advice
My family moved fast until I came along: when I was born my grandmother was 45. By the time I was packed off to boarding school she was 58.

After my first few terms there she hit 60 and my sexual interests started to move from my bed-post to boys... she caught me in bed with a young man once and smiled before quetly beating a retreat.

Not long after that she and I were the only ones at home, and we'd both had a couple of glasses of wine.

Mid conversation my dear sweet granny came out with a question that made me splutter in my wineglass like a drowning whoopee-cusion.

"Have you tried bum-sex yet dear?"
"um, No gran"
"Well you should: Your grandfather and I used to have a very good time doing that"
*blink blink*

*********************************

When my gran died she looked a little like Joan Hickson in Miss Marple - Calm, well-spoken and very proper. Her funeral went well with many old friends praising her seemingly endless ability to give excellent advice. I failed to publicly attribute my enjoyment of anal sex to my grandmother's advice, but I like to think that she knew.
(Wed 25th Jun 2008, 12:28, More)

» My most treasured possession

Childhood memories.
I'd take my childhood bed.

My parents never understood why I insisted it be kept, and never understood why - when I moved away from home - I took it with me.

I have a deep emotional bond with that bed. In that bed I dreampt of princes, white horses and dragons, and I wept for the lost love of my first boyfriend. I was 8 at the time.

Memories aside, the foot of that bed has two beautifully varnished posts which rise a proud seven inches from the end bar. The night I discovered I could ride those posts was a long one. I keep it because it is the best sex toy I've ever had, and I'd save it from a fire because I truly believe it's the most satisfying inanimate object in my life.
(Fri 9th May 2008, 22:15, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

Not sure if this counts.... but(t)...
I’d forgotten I had a photo of this encounter until I read this Question…. So here’s My little story on the matter. (had to make ana account too!! :O)

First-time anal. Drunken-Ibiza-stylee.

A Few years ago (in 1998), I happened to be in the family resort of Ibiza sampling the local goodness, when my friend and I came across a bloke looking slightly lonely in a bar. We enquired of his nationality, and a rather slurred “English” came back. We though he might be drunk enough to be in the mood for buying a beer for us two lovely ladies, so we struck up a damned good conversation. (During which we earned much beer)

During our chat, It became apparent that he’d “accidentally” become separated from his friends, and he was trying to pluck up (Dutch) courage to allow him to embark on his secret mission: To loose his virginity to a man.
Too good to be true: so we egged him on.
To cut a long story short, we gave him tips on how to get a guy interested, and being no strangers to a wee bit of anal, my friend and I gave him tips on that too.
He ended was beginning to get exceedingly drunk when he suggested that we came back to his room: "he had somehing to show us"!!

The lad (who called himself “Waddy”) (strange because he didn’t seem loaded to us)(actually, rather NOT loaded in most ways) then let a rather large cat out of the bag. He said he’d climbed into another room via a balcony to nick some lingerie from a girl. Freak-boy!! (It’s for this reason that I don’t mind posting the pic of him)

I promised to cut it short, so here’s the result. He revealed that under his clothes he was dressed up in this girl’s underwear, and had been so since he swiped it. The photo was taken as he cavorted and pranced around in his very “relaxed” state of drunkenness, and “proving” (as requested) that he actually was wearing it.. and yes, i was nice enough to show him how to adjust it afterwards...



We then returned to the bar with him in tow, found a likely looking boy, and introduced them: totally breaking the ice for him!! We rule!! The rest is history, though he did look little nervous walking off hand in hand with the guy who we could only presume, would penetrate his arse for the first time.

The next day, we saw him and decided that from the way he was moving, he’d been totally successful, and his date had liked teh girly undies: the lad waddled, and looked like he’d had some serious meat “in the seat”. So: Here’s to a drunk and ginger mystery-boy, who lost his gay V-plates to a presumably well-hung guy.

It seems traditional to make a poor pun about length.. and as this is my first post, I’m truly sorry the thing is so long.

I still tell this story to all my friends in the pub: maybe one day it'll get back to him, and he'll remeber not to steal lady's underwear for his own kinky purposes.
(Tue 8th Mar 2005, 10:23, More)

» Family codes and rituals

Our family has had a very odd past.
Many years ago, my great grandmother had a neighbour. They fell in love got married and had kids. she lost her husband in the war, but time marched on and the world kept turning.

Later on, It turned out that one of the kids (my grandmother) had a neighbour with whom she fell in love. This turned out to be someone related to her late father...

This story repeats itself - and believe me when I first heard it it made my toes (only ten thank-you) curl.

It comes to now... when I find that my parents have neighbours, who - for some mad reason are related to my father. One summer when I was visiting the Neighbour's child - also my age - was also there. There was a Barbecue, much alcohol and I inquired as to whether there was perhaps a man in their family for me to carry on the twisted history with.

Apparently not, and nor do I have a brother to offer her. By this time we were exceedingly drunk, and ended up fumbling and giggling together in the bushes.

I've broken a family tradition it seems, but though no fault of my own: Maybe we can skip a generation and I'll concentrate on having fun instead? :o)
(Tue 25th Nov 2008, 7:42, More)

» Family codes and rituals

I understand that B3ta has a ritual...
.. that I have unwittingly been following.

Wednesday Home O'clock Wank.

Work tends to be frustrating, a good hard play, or bed.ride usually sorts that out. Wednesdays seem to be more annoying than others, So come Wednesday afternoon I'm rather looking forward to get home.

We're all family here... Who else joins in?
(Tue 25th Nov 2008, 11:25, More)