» Petty Sabotage

My next door neighbour
previous to the one now, was an absolute twat, twonk, nob etc. etc.
One day, he came round to my house after we had papered our front room. He wanted to know how many rolls of paper were needed, and asked us how many we had bought (after querying on numerous occasions if it would be different for him seeing on how he was buying a much better quality paper)

I told him that I bought 15.

A week later, he called me over the fence. He said he bought 15 rolls, and had 6 left over.

"Thats funny I said, so did I"
(Fri 6th May 2005, 12:12, More)

» Petty Sabotage

milk bottles
as a teenager, I grew up in a tower block. We used to play footie outside and I of the residents (fat ugly lazy tosser) used to always shout at us to piss off.
He came out one evening, and nicked the ball, so...

we wnt through the entire block (48 flats) and took every empty milk bottle, and then did the same from the next block.

We must have had about 200-250, and we stored them away in the store room. Then when we figured he had gone to bed, we put them outside his door. the corridor outside his door was only a foot or so wider than the door, and when we had finished, there must have been 10-12 rows of milk bottles outside his door.

Christ knows what would have happened if there had been a fire in his flat, but the bastard did deserve to burn
(Thu 5th May 2005, 11:17, More)

» Petty Sabotage

Dont leave your CV for others to edit .....
A work colleague of mine left his CV on a network drive that we all had access to. This was particularly silly, but not as silly as not password-protecting it.
Cue many 'slight' alterations. Such as :-

1) Inserting the words 'SPECIAL' and 'APPROVED' in the names of the schools he attended.
2) Adding 'Member of Hitler Youth' in hobbies
3) Adding 'Masturbating over copies of Shooting & Conservation' in favourite pastimes

and many more derisory comments

This lay undetected for some months, until said colleague found it. He thought it was the work of someone else, and complained to the boss.
We were all dragged into his office and made to confess.

What was best was that when he found that his CV had ben altered, he went into the boss' office. When he emerged, his first words were :

"It infers that I am mental !!"

How I wish I had been there
(Thu 5th May 2005, 10:47, More)

» When animals attack...

Attacked by a dead hedgehog
While playing football for the school.

During the warmup, I saw a hedgehog, curled up, lying near the penalty spot. So, rather foolishly, I went to pick it up. Yes, very silly. Those spines are effing sharp.

I recoiled in pain, and hoofed the beast up the arse. As it flew through the air, its four legs splayed out, and it disappeared very aerodynamically into a hedge.

I looked down and there were hedgehog entrails over my Adidas Beckenbaur's
(Thu 2nd Jun 2005, 15:36, More)

» Useless Information

If...
... you force-feed a vole 100Kg of sausages, it will probably die.

... foxes could jump, pound-for-pound, as high as a flea, they'd avoid a lot of trouble

... you laid 1 million pennies end to end, you problably dont have a girlfriend

... all brides are beautiful, where the fcuk do ugly wives come from ?
(Mon 21st Mar 2005, 11:29, More)