» * PFFT *

Terrance, I smell roses
kind off subject but here goes.

After a 12hr flight from LA to New Zealand and avoiding using the loo's on the plane, I arrived at my girlfriends place much in the need to curl one out. I sat down on the throne and proceeded to squeeze the baby out.

My girlfriend popped into the toilet which was in the bathroom to wash her hands but quickly changed her mind when she smelt the tangy aroma of fermenting airline food exiting my bum.

However the door out of the bathroom is right next to toilet, so to be a bastard I kept my legs propped against the door to prevent her from leaving so she could partake in the ages old game of guessing what I had to eat on the plane.

She quickly started to turn green, gagging and spluttering as her bathroom only had a tiny hatch window and my odorous fumes could go nowhere but straight into her lungs.

So I quickly wiped and exited out the door, just in time as she proceeded to puke her lunch out into the sink, overcome by my noxious fumes.
(Fri 13th Jul 2007, 14:40, More)

» Injured Siblings

Revenge on the sister
My sister and I had a fight where she spat in my face then broke the TV remove over my head. Revenge consisted of me dragging her outside and with a pair of toy handcuffs I locked her arms onto the crossbar of the trusty Hills hoist (for you non-Australian readers, its a cloths line you can crank up and down to raise or lower the level of the line) and cranked her up until she was pulled up on her tippy toes. Almost better than a rack. Can it get better? Oh yes it started to rain. Left her there for 5 minutes bawling her eyes out while I stood in the shelter of the back door and laughed.
Unfortunately our parents pulled into the drive and only witnessed me laughing at my sister's discomfort. Who gets a hiding and grounded for a week, me. Never mind the broken TV remote.
Strange thing is I get on better with my sister now than ever.
(Tue 23rd Aug 2005, 19:12, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

Swimming
Went camping in the woods for a weekend with about 40 members of the local Air training corps in the start of spring in the late nineties. It had been something my mother had pushed me into 'It will build character sonny' type of thing.

Anyway as I wasn't fussed about the whole event, at the start of the camp myself and a mate dawdled along at the end of the column of trampers for the whole day and were so far behind that when we hit the campsite clearing for the night there was on this small slope of gorse covered ground free.

As it was getting dark we slapped out tent down on this land and rushed to join everyone else already sitting around the camp fire.

That night we discovered the joys of putting your tent on top of gorse and for the first hour in the dark (forgot to pack a torch) with a sock over my hand trying to rip out as much of the offending spiky stuff as possible.

After sleeping for a few hours I awoke to find than during the night because I was twisting and turning so much, and that we had positioned our tent's opening at the bottom of the slope, I had slowly wriggled my way out of the tent and combined with all the spring mildew on the ground, had slid down the hill and now had my feet plonked into the stream that ran through the campsite.

Spent the next day tramping along with my sleeping bag draped around my shoulders like some sad superman type cape, trying to dry the bloody thing.

Character building she called it.
(Fri 29th Dec 2006, 20:25, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

The parents lawn
Lost my V's to a total minger who I had met at a party a few weeks earlier. She had a b/f at the time, but made it apparent she wanted to jump my bones when she came around one night whilst the oldies were away.

Got hot 'n' heavy with the finger action on the couch when she asked 'we doing it here'? Not wanting to ruin the leather plus being terrified that my oldies would unfortunately come home at a stragically important time, I unromantically convinced her to do the dirty deed on the lawn outside.

She had popped 2 sprogs which meant she was so loose and wet, coupled with my total inability to time my thrusts with her's meant that I popped out so often that we just gave up after 5 minutes of fustration. She went home and I had to finished the job by hand. Ignored all her calls after that (did I mention she was 'rough around the edges') and the next week I met a chick whom I went out with for 2yrs.

Wish I had kept my V's for her to be honest.
(Wed 9th Mar 2005, 18:31, More)