» Body Mods

Eye eye captain
Once back when I was a grotty student, my flatmate Stu decided he wanted his eyebrow pierced. Being too poor to pay someone to do it properly, and too drunk and macho to need anesthetic he asked one of us to do it.

I stepped up as I was drunk enough to be non-squeamish, and found a large non-too-sharp safety pin. None of us had any idea of the proper place on the eyebrow to pierce, so I just pinched a flap of skin in the middle, and stabbed away.

I wasn't expecting the effort required to push the pin through the skin, nor the crunching sound it made when it hit something a bit solid. Stu was not expecting the terrible agonising pain, and couldn't help jerking his head upwards.

Then one of the other guys started shouting at us to hold still, and looking down I saw that the pin had pierced the skin on the top of the brow, but had not made it out the other side. Instead it had travelled down inside the skin and appeared under Stu's eyelid. The end of the pin was pushing the eyelid out like the side of a tent. I quickly pulled the pin out and Stu gingerly pressed his eyeball to see it it had been pierced. The drunken gods had smiled on us and his eye was not damaged at all (his eyebrow was another matter).

We actually discussed having another go at it, as the hole was mostly through, but I chickened out of another attempt, and no-one else wanted to try either. After the ragged hole had healed, Stu saved up and paid someone to do it properly. I still think we would have been fine if the safety pin had been sharper.
(Fri 1st Dec 2006, 15:29, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

Driving on a mission
When driving I like to set myself missions to accomplish. The usual is to do an entire trip without stopping. So I brake *really* early at lights, and slooooowly inch forward just keeping my wheels turning until it goes green again.

Or at night, driving home from work without changing out of top gear. This involves running red lights, swerving through petrol station forecourts, driving on footpaths, and revving the shit out of the engine while riding the clutch like a deaf grandma. I made it to within a km or so from my house once, then I hit a dog. I almost didn't stop, and I still rue the missed opportunity.
(Thu 7th Apr 2005, 21:11, More)

» Insults

This is indeed the QOTWOTY!
Further to the tasteless cancer jibe. I used to receive many telemarketing calls in the evening, and would vent my annoyance by calmly explaining that I wished that the caller would die of cancer, then hanging up. I figured that this was OK to say, as it was offensive, and satisfying, and could not be construed as a threat.

Then I registered with the telephone preference service (TPS) and the calls mostly stopped. But one evening the phone rang and a telemarketer launched into a spiel about donating money for some cause. I was about to deliver my line when something that the woman had said filtered into my brain.

I realised that a Marie Curie Cancer Care charity worker was probably the wrong person to wish a death from cancer. So I bit my tongue, choked out a "not interested" and hung up.
(Sat 6th Oct 2007, 0:57, More)

» Walkman Flashbacks

The jangly bit at the start of Papercut
Pretty much any song from the first Linkin Park album makes me think of speeding and mayhem.

Years ago, playing GTA3 I had the mp3s playing when I was driving around. I had got up to the third island, and had just about given up on the missions. I would just get in my Banshee, crank the stereo and race around running over pedestrians until I died (or until I got to the airport and tried to fly the Dodo)

To this day, when I hear one of the songs while driving, I floor it and start looking for cops to run over.
(Mon 28th Mar 2005, 9:51, More)