» When animals attack...

cat attack
once i fell asleep outside when i was 7. I awoke to a strange feeling on my head. I noticed it was the family cat, nuzzling into my head. I went inside and my mother looked at me strangely and told me to go to the bathroom and look in the mirror.

I looked - and the cat had been licking my hair for the good part of half an hour. My whole head was matted down with cat spit.

not an attack as such, just repulsive.
(Sun 5th Jun 2005, 5:44, More)

» Food sabotage

Had a housemate who drank milk straight from the carton
if it was HIS milk, I wouldn't have minded, but NO. IT was MY milk, the filty, backwashing bastard.

So in goes vinegar, lemon juice, shampoo, basically any liquid milk-curling condiment sauce I could find. Back in the fridge it goes.

Only took about half hour after he woke up that morning to hear gagging hack from the kitchen, and running to see him standing there with millky puke half way up the cupboard and sink.

"this milk is off! I'm just ducking out to get some more"

Fuckin' oath, you are!
(Tue 23rd Sep 2008, 2:52, More)

» Pet Peeves

People telling when to smile....
If I'm just sitting somewhere, minding my own business,

For fuck's sake DON'T say to me "SMILE!" and grin, expecting me to do the same.

Seriously. If I was in high spirits, I would be smiling. Do you want me to force a fake smile, which will disappear as quickly as it came? For fucks sake – that won't work.

"Frowning uses 43 muscles, and smiling only uses 14! So smile! Its easier!"

That's probably why your'e so fat, you lazy bint.

giving you the highway salute uses 3 muscles, so how bout I use that?

I probably wasn't grumpy in the first place, but saying "SMILE! Turn your frown upside-down!!!"

Has the opposite effect!

Makes me feel like smiling is the last thing I want to answer your greeting with!

Piss off! : )
(Mon 5th May 2008, 1:17, More)

» Pet Peeves

People honking their car horn in anger...
A pet peeve and a confusion of mine - Drivers who honk at people in anger.

Why I'm confused – because I don't know what the honker expects to happen in those situations. It's pointless, but the driver obviously thinks that they are administering some sort of punishment on whoever they are directing it toward I guess.

Mind you – I'm not saying that bad drivers should be left alone and not abused – but a honk is pathetic.

It's the kind of distanced, dish-out of punishment where, the honker can remain anonymous, show a fit of fleeting anger, and fuck off as quickly as they came.

Someone driving down the road real slow, and holding up traffic behind them would probably receive a honk in say, 10 seconds of holding someone up, perhaps in an effort to hurry them along.

In the shops, I'd doubt if someone was taking their time to get through the cash register, the people would yell "for FUCKS sake, you FUCKING RETARD hurry the FUCK UP CUNT!" in the shops, perhaps in an effort to hurry them along.

Kinda like the anonymous freedom the Internet gives people, to abuse the shit out of others from the safety of their own home.

Like the guy who honks at someone while driving past:
Does whatever happened really put you out that much?
I'm gonna teach that guy a lesson and …….. honkity honky honk.

"oooohhhh shit he HONKED at me. Fuck – that's gonna take a while to get over"

I drive in a pretty relaxed way sometimes -
I don't indicate if noone's around.
I drive in the middle of the road a lot.
Even if people are around I don't indicate.
I've even driven 50 k/ph in all the way out to Elizabeth just for the fuck of it.
Sometimes, if someone looks like they're in a hurry behind me, I'll drive really slow, and speed up accordingly. Hopefully it was you.

Yeh – I get honked when I do shit like that. I don't care for it much, because I know I'm doing it, and I'm glad it's giving you the shits.

There have been times where I've nearly been smashed into 'cos of dickheads not being aware of what's going on around them – i.e. pulling out infront of me, changing lanes without looking, doing right turns from left lanes etc. I'm too busy trying to avoid these dicks to bother honking.

A friend I was with at such a time got so mad
"DID YOU SEE THAT!! HONK!! FUCK - - HONK AT THEM! WHY DIDN'T YOU HONK AT THEM??!! FUCK ME HONK, fuck – they're gone now. Why didn't you honk?"

I don't really care.
And I'll be fucked if it gets me that angry.

If I wanna get angry at dickheads I'll do it here from the safety of the internet...
(Mon 5th May 2008, 1:20, More)