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Profile for nappy rash:
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Does anyone fancy a pint, i'm just nipping down the pub in 5 minutes?

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Best answers to questions:

» Pet Stories

gay dog.
One drunken evening whilst at home sat on the sofa, my girlfriend was pleasuring me with some 'oral relief'.
After a few minutes, my dog, a usually quiet border collie named Todd, wandered up to us and calmly took a big long lick of my shaft, and then walked off.

Clearly the moment was lost, and subsequently I felt the need to shower.

So, there you have it - I was sexually assaulted my own dog.


After confiding in my friends with this story, they consequently labelled me with the nickname 'Bonio'.

twats.
(Fri 8th Jun 2007, 9:31, More)

» Jobsworths

I was
on a Stagecoach bus having an argument with a fellow passenger (who worked for Comet) about whether Scottish/English banknotes are accepted as legal tender by train conductors, whilst also on my mobile to HSBC call centre enquiring as to whether i could exchange my faulty fridge; when suddenly we were run off the road by an ice-cream van driven by a bouncer.
I attempted to disembark only to be asked for ID because i was wearing trainers.

er, then i got chilli on my cock.
(Wed 18th May 2005, 15:27, More)

» Misunderstood

In a nightclub once,
I approached a rather stunning girl and asked her for a blow job.
Instead I got the shit kicked out of me by her boyfriend.

I am absolutley certain I made myself clear with my initial request; I definitley asked her for 'a blow job' and not 'please can you ask your boyfriend to stamp on my face.'


The mind boggles, it really does.
(Fri 7th Oct 2005, 10:55, More)

» Crap Gadgets

Dyson Ball Cleaner - can fuck right off.
I ended up in casualty.

My testicles are shredded to shit.


:|
(Thu 29th Sep 2011, 15:45, More)

» Jobsworths

I
broke my arm once, and wanted a wank. Tried knock one off with other hand but it blatantly refused to polish the old boy.
I looked at the left handed fucker with much disgust imagining it saying something like "not my job that mate, never had the training"
Fucking jobsworth left hand.

Still, it did manage to use the phone so i could call Mrs. Rash to bob round and finish me off.

Every cloud etc.
(Thu 12th May 2005, 10:50, More)
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