b3ta.com user sarahahahah
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» Stupid Tourists

Daft Tourists
I work at one of the most prestigious Whisky & Real Ale pubs in Edinburgh. It's very posh and very traditionally Scottish in a posh way (but this means, as barstaff, we get the joy of refusing anyone we don't like, including students, hen nights and people wearing those bloody stupid "Jimmy" hats)

Anyway, we get a lot of celebs and politicians in. One night, Joe Jackson, who was playing in the city, was entertaining several American mates, including the guy who produced Bat Out Of Hell. Todd Rundgren according to the internet. I wouldn't know, because Meatloaf's shite.

So, this lardy yank comes up to the bar, which is famed for having 170+ malt whiskies.

"AH WANNA SKAAAAAATCH!"
"Which one? We have over 170. Perhaps you would like to see the whisky list?"
"NAAA, AH WANNA SKAAAATCH!"
"Okay, what sort of price range can you afford?"
"WHATEVER!"
"Ah, sir, I see.. I have here.. a 27 year old Macallan, at 17.50 a nip. Would that be alright?"
"YEAH!"

hahahaha.

Oh, alright, if that's not good enough, a big group of tourists came in asking if we served food.
"Only pies and toasties," said the other barman.
"Could we get the menu then?" Said the yanks. Aforementioned barman ripped the front of a barmat, wrote "PIES AND TOASTIES 1.50" on it, and gave it back to them.
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 0:14, More)

» Useless Information

EU Common Agricutlural Policy Sheep Definitions by Age for Subsidy Purposes
A ewe lamb becomes a ewe hogg after an autumn lamb sale;
A ewe hogg becomes a gimmer after its first clipping (14-16 months old);
Gimmer becomes a ewe after it lambs.
(Tue 22nd Mar 2005, 22:28, More)