» Heckles

Lord of the Gush
another film-based stealth-heckle:

In The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (or LotR:F to you abbreviophiles), during the scrap in Balin's Tomb, there is a perfect moment:
Frodo is stabbed by the cave-troll's spear, and if you whisper, *just* at that split-second when the inital gasp has passed and a half-second silence reigns, just whisper the immortal words 'SEX FACE' to the person next to you, you will never be forgiven ever, nor feel the same way about Elijah Wood ever again.

NB as if LotR didn't have enough bumming, I also had to use the phrase 'stabbed with the cave-troll's spear'. considering frodo's reaction, I think el trollio hit the spot.
(Mon 10th Apr 2006, 23:55, More)

» Heckles

Troy again...
my stealth-heckle during troy was sufficient to get a dozen people near me a-giggling, and improved the film greatly:
early in the film, a heavily-oiled, musclebound and half-naked bradster is all manly and serious, putting the moves on a young priestess of some significance or other; he's playing the intense-and-deep card, and the director plays along, bringing a tense pause to the scene after he delivers the line:

"there's some things they don't teach you at the temple."

as they stare into each other's eyes like two hollywood actors, what else could I do but stagewhisper the inevitable follow-up?:

"I've got a *really* big willy."
(Mon 10th Apr 2006, 23:42, More)

» School fights

first of many
The first fight I can remember was back in playgroup; I must have been about three. I was playing with a small, brightly coloured truck with differently-shaped slots in the top to take differently-shaped plastic blocks, a sort of 80's interpretation of the 'square peg round hole' scenario.
Enter Another Kid. I have no idea what the child looked like or what sex he/she was, but I have a vague impression of fatness. Of course, that may well have just been my reflection.
So, Another Kid decides it wants to play with the brightly-coloured device; a brief tug of war ensues; I sock the little shit one, I believe in the chest; Another Kid staggers off in tears to the nearest adult for some sympathy.
Then we all got given juice. To this day I remain unpunished.
(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 20:00, More)

» How I Skive Off Work

thou, nature art my godess...
in my gap year, while working full time in an engineering film helping to design buildings, I was required to learn vast swathes of other people's degrees in a short period of time to a good enough level in order to perform the tasks required.
naturally I skived almost constantly, in all the traditional ways, but the most interesting period was when my efforts to get the gist of a Bsc in Fire Engineering lifted me onto a new plane of consciousness and understanding of the nature of fire, and spent an entire afternoon writing haikus about 'nature's purest lifeform'. that was the first of several episoidal periods of insanity that Buro Happold brought on.
(Fri 29th Apr 2005, 15:30, More)

» How nerdy are you?

oh dear god
I was in the Camarilla.

If you don't know what that means, I don't think I should tell you, but anyway -

I once, while aged 18 or so, created a 'character' whom I played for a while, who was:
a 13-year-old-boy with
the soul of a fairy that was
the bloodthirsty nightmare of
a GAMES WORKSHOP fictional
superhuman ten-thousand-year-old
mass-murdering chain-axe wielding
blood-god worshipping
fuckhead.

and I played him once, and in the game, I killed about 40 policemen, and the in-game equivalent of one of the other quite annoying people who was there playing the game.

and I was meant to be running that game for about 12 other people,

and it was shit.

so I never played it again.
(Fri 7th Mar 2008, 18:04, More)