» School Sports Day

I always came last in any race.
Every sports days, Mum and Dad would always come and watch me race. I'd race my ickle heart out and always come last :o( , but my Dad would always run in the Dads race and win. He always gave me his winners rosette.

So last year, at my daughters sports day, I went to watch. Like her Mummy, she ran her ickle heart out and came last. So when it came to the Mummys race, I thought "I'll run and try and win for her". Even though I'd lost all those races, years before, I thought I had a better chance (cos I do regular exercise) of winning now.
So a few Mums line up, Head Teacher shouts 'GO' and I run my ickle heart out.....



I came last.

My daughter loved it though, cos as I was running my top rode up abit and people could see my belly.

Oh well, at least she felt better about losing :oD
(Fri 31st Mar 2006, 20:09, More)

» School fights

mmmm
When reading this question, I thought to myself "I was never in any fights, I was a good girl at school". Then my brain said "Bollocks, how about the time......"

Ok, so they may have been one or two.

The first one I remember was this twatty little shit call Peter Burnell, he used to be my brothers best friend, then he fell out with him (I have no idea why). I was about 15 at the time and he would've been 14. When he got to school, he started spreading around nasty rumours about my Mum, Dad, brother and baby brother.... it was like a red mist had desended over me, I went looking for him. It didn't take long for me to find him, he was in the main corridor through the school. I walked right up to him, grabbed him by the throat, picked him up and banged up up against the wall. I pushed my face right up to his and spat out "if I fucking hear you slagging my family off again, I'm gonna rip out your throat and spit in the hole left behind!"
He was dumb struck, he had no words, even his mates just looked on in horror. The best bit is, that when he went to grass on me, the teachers didn't believe him, because they considered me to be a well balanced young women. :oP

The second one involved a pervy twat called Mark Wheelan (Rimmer - cos he looked like Rimmer out of Red Dwarf). He used to think it was funny to try and get his hand up my skirt and down my blouse in Chemistry lesson. I on the other hand didn't like this and it freaked me out abit. After a few weeks of just trying to grab his wrists to stop him (you have to realise I couldn't say to the teacher "Sir, Rimmer keeps putting his hand up my skirt". If you're in High School or remember it clearly, you'll know, that you can't just shout these things out), I pushed him off his stool. He went flying and everyone stared. He tried a few more time again after that, but when I had pushed him off his stool a few times, the teacher noticed. Cut a long story short, he was moved away from me and I didn't get groped in Chemistry lesson any more.

I now do martial arts as a hobby, I go beating people who don't mind getting hit :oP
(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 20:26, More)

» Dentists

The dentist used to sing 'Jennifer Juniper'
whilst he drilled my teeth when I was a little girl.

Evil fuck, I hope he's dead!
(Wed 8th Nov 2006, 22:41, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Soggy Chip.
Yes that was my nick name at a school I went to. Mum and Dad owned a fish and chip shop, and of course everyone in school knew. It didn't make much difference, people just called me Jenny, apart from one strange little fucker. I can't even remember his name, but whenever he saw me he'd shout 'Soggy Chip!!' laugh his bollocks off then wander off. Strange kid.

At High school I was called Hutchy (surname was Hutchinson), not very clever I know, but it was always said in awe. The reason being that it had got round school that I had a vile temper, slammed one of the doors in school and all the glass fell out. This wasn't true..... mostly. I had slammed the door, but only the bottom section of glass had come out. :oS

no apologies will be made for the dullness of these tales
(Fri 19th May 2006, 20:13, More)