» Heckles

Beer and ballet .....
A long time ago, circa mid 80's, I went with some mates to see the Xmas panto "for a laugh". It was Cinderella. We'd been in the theatre bar for some pre-performance drinks as we'd got there a bit early and had got a tad merry.

Things were going well and we were joining in with all the kiddie stuff such as shouting "it's behind you" in the right places. And at some point I remember a couple of us had tried to make a run for the stage to join in with the sing-a-long but some pesky kids beat us there.

Then it got to a behind the curtain scene change for turning the pumpkin into a carriage etc. So they bring out two girls and five guys to perform some ballet, presumably to represent the fairy godmothers efforts in changing the mice into 'footmen'.

Bearing in mind it was around the same time Paul Hogan was on TV advertising Fosters. I, in a rather too loud voice, pipe up with " strewth there's bloke down there with no strides on".

I've never seen such a butch glare from a ballet dancer since ....
(Tue 11th Apr 2006, 23:09, More)

» Crappy Prizes

a really crappy prize
I was five and had made a pig out of potatoes and match sticks. A proud moment for me as I had no help from my parents.

I won a 1000 piece jigaw of a picturesque street in a town somewhere in Switzerland.

I rarely win anything now and put it down to the fact I peaked at such an early age.
(Fri 5th Aug 2005, 18:05, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

Creme Eggs
I get a perverted pleasure when eating said egg infront of a group of blokes on my break at work.

I bite the top off, insert my finger and suggestively suck the fondant cream off, alternating it with licking out the chocolate shell.

Gets them going everytime!!!!
(Sat 9th Apr 2005, 21:07, More)

» When I met the parents

I met my new mother-in-law at my wedding
She lived abroad (thank god). The wedding was themed as in Vampires, Goths, Warlocks etc for a bit of fun, with rock music playing and much to the irritation of my new monster-in-law, oops, I mean mother-in-law. The 'do' was held in an old country mansion for good measure.

When I arrived, dressed as a cross between Cher and Morticia , she barked at my best mate, whilst pointing in a disgusting manner at me, "who's that?". When told "that's the bride" she looked like she'd lost a million and found a quid.

Unfortunately, i'm since divorced and can safely assume i'm not mentioned in her will.
(Sun 22nd May 2005, 16:46, More)

» I just don't get it

Lost Car Keys
Like when you say to your flatmate "I can't find my car keys?" and she says "where did you last leave them?".

If I bloody knew I wouldn't be wasting my breathe asking where they were.

A simple 'no' would do, like when I say "can I borrow your car as I can't find MY car keys?". I mean ... I just don't get it.
(Wed 6th Apr 2005, 20:08, More)