b3ta.com user the dennis
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» Take my Mother-in-law...

all i know is
mother in law is an anogram of woman hitler
(Fri 9th Sep 2005, 13:19, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

the first time we got our little bro stoned
would have been about 5 years ago my folks had gone off on a swinggers weekend, well they say its a break but we found the k.y, anyway my older bro and i got a little bit of green a started smoking.
Our younger bro who was about 13-14 maybe asked if he could join us, after a few lung busters we went and chilled in the living room which was, once the curtins were closed the darkest most comfy place in the house.
Some how (i have no idea why) my little bro decided to crawl around imatating a diosour sticking hes neck out as far as he could and making rawwwwww type sounds this was very funny but soon we all drifted off to sleep in a vegatated state with the telly on.
I woke up sometime later to the sounds of "what the fuck" from my bro and ' twizzle sticks twizzle and you get two, well done jim, lets twizzle again oooooh sorry twizzle sticks say zero, you lose."

What the fuck, so with us all around the telly freaking out that we couldn't understand what the fuck was going on, our grandmother lets herself in a is stood behind us watching.

anyway cut a long story in to bite size bits, i don't think she knew that we were all out of our faces and thanks to some smooth talking by my older bro she left.

i can say i have never been so stoned and not wanted to die in my life it was amazing and if any of us say "twizzle sticks twizzle" it brings on instant giggles.

drugs are not cool as i found out in amstadamn, with in two hours of turning up with my college i got so fucked i whited, crashing out on the top bunk everyone keept smoking, which didn't help me all that much, cue my only opening my eyes or moving to run to the toilet to chunder, ever since i have been know as whiteeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

that and watching countdown with 5 people in a very small room and no one talking at all not even during the breaks.

sorry for the spelling mistakes i think drugs made me stiuepd

p.s i must admit the story sounds better in my head
(Fri 16th Dec 2005, 11:19, More)

» Petty Sabotage

i was in a club not too long ago and some gay little fuck had drunk too much and passed out (well sort of semi awake) on a sofa.

me being pissed and very good at pissing people off went to talk to a few sexy young ladies who were sat close to this dick, anyhooo i set the cunts hat on fire and it burst into the most amazing colours greens and blues then the smell of hair. at this point i had moved to the other end of the club to watch from a safe distance as a girl rushed over throwing a glass of water over the guy, who then wakes up swings for the girl and gets dragged out by some "big guys" only to find half his hair missing.

also going to random house parties and making a mix of toilet cleaning products into a pint glass and wait for some scum to drink it and chunder all over the shop.
(Wed 11th May 2005, 17:20, More)

» Panic Buying

mothers day
this isn't what you'd call panic buying more panic stealing, it was the friday before mothers day and being the college student i was i had saved all my money for that friday nights drinking session.
Anywho i was learning all about the wonderfull world of pottery and clay and what not when i was reminded that mothers day was not far away and the class was to make something for their mums.

anyway cut a shit story about sitting around and talikng to girls for a while short, it turns out my mates thing exploded in the oven and smashed the shit out of everyone elses stuff causeing about 15 stinky skint students to panic and steal as much of other peoples work as is possible,

i maneged to liberate a beautiful handcrafted vase in green and white a real master must have cafted it and i got all the credit, i think my mum was so stoked to get such a thing that she insured me on her car for a bit.

do i feel bad, only for going off the subject alittle.
(Thu 5th Jan 2006, 11:43, More)

» Injured Siblings

my tounge
so umm yeah i was a little 3 year old running around the house, pissing off my up the duff mum, when my brother found it funny to trip me up.

Fair enough you'd say but as i fell i bit my tounge almost clean off, just a little flappy bit saved it.

And what did my brother say when my mum entered the room to find two of her sons covered in blood laughing like dicks and the other with a face like he'd been going down on a lady with a heavy flow problem?

"it wasn't me, he tripped on the hover wire"

what a lying fuck the hover wasn't even in the room!

and all i got was a nice den in my tounge.
(Tue 23rd Aug 2005, 17:35, More)
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