b3ta.com user i enjoy licking 9V batteries
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Profile for i enjoy licking 9V batteries:
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in reality, it's car batteries, but people give me weird looks when I stop them in traffic and pop their car hoods and start assaulting their batteries.

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» How I Skive Off Work

Me, Skive, NEVER!
They really, really, really should give you free internet at work. Really.

*deep breath* (cue singing voices all)
(my favourite things)

porno and messageboards
both b3ta and fark,
messenger and emails,
flash sites are a lark.
making photoshops of a political dork.
these are the ways that I skive off at work.

when the net's down,
when the server's gone.
when i have no access.
i simply remember they're paying me to skive
and then i don't feeeeeeeel so bad!
(Thu 28th Apr 2005, 0:00, More)

» Jobsworths

confused yet?
Door bitches story no.33.2

So me and a bunch of mates rock up to a fancy-schamncy bar with a couple of gorillas out the front carding people for age.

Anyway, when I got there, I got the oldest line in the book "not in those shoes, mate"

so, me and my mate swapped shoes.

"How about now?"
"No, not in *those* shoes either. Infact, not in *ANY* shoes"

The door bitch grinned, seeinf as how I was crest fallen and all. He was about to push me aside to admit the next bunch of good looking people, when I took off my shoes (well, my mate's shoes" and was standing there barefoot.

"How about now?" I asked, smug as a bug in a rug. All my mates were sniggering at this point.

"Fine. Not in that shirt, smart guy"
So I took off my shirt.
The door bitch laughed then.
"You got guts, kid. In you go"

(Fri 13th May 2005, 7:37, More)

» Petty Sabotage

I had a really tight mate, whenever he opened his wallet, the picture of the queen on his money would blink. Well, I decided this tight little bastard needed a lesson. Now this took a little planning and subterfuge, but in an unguarded moment, he lift his wallet alone, and me, already prepared for this moment, opened it, and, carefuly superglued all his folding stuff to his wallet and all his coins together. All in all it was about $50 worth of gear.

Well, he didn't open his wallet for weeks, seeming as he is a giant sponge and I was getting impatient. Until finally, on a trip to the moving pictures, his g/f showed up, and being the gent that he wasn't he offered to pay for her.

Well, his wallet opened just fine, but for the life of him, he couldn't pry the notes from the leather of the wallet. I was almost dying of laughter - then he opened the change bit of his wallet and THUNK stuck together coins fell out in one heap onto the desk thing of the ticket seller dude.

Everyone saw the funny side except for my tightwad mate.
(Thu 5th May 2005, 6:23, More)

» It was a great holiday, but...

I Have To Pay For It?
Last, ohhh, Feb I think, maybe two years ago, me and Mrs.9V were on 'olidays in a sunny old place, living it up at beaches and touristy what-not, any way, we were there for a week, and as you do, you might run out of toilet paper, which we did. Mind you, calling the sandpaper they had there "toilet paper" was rich.

So, as we were fast approaching zereo-level of the stuff, I walked down to the front desk and asked for some more, as I couldn't fine any in the room.

"okay, sure that will be 60c"

Needless to say Mrs.9V was enraged, as was I, I gave them a 60c peice of my mind and got all the bloody toilet paper I could ever dream about for free.

but i won!
(Fri 22nd Apr 2005, 2:53, More)

» The last thing that made me cry

i am a giant wuss
I try to be all manly and strong and hairy, however, I only manage to be one of those three and it's not manly or strong.

I cry at:
Several movies that are too shameful to mention.
A bucket load of songs that are too shameful to mention.

however, the last time I cried was having a fight with the girl in my life. aye, i have no peanuts.
(Wed 20th Apr 2005, 1:39, More)
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