b3ta.com user Laird Dave Draws
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Profile for Laird Dave Draws:
Profile Info:

Co-Founder of the "Sexy B3tans holding snacks in their mouth" Club.

Myself and Mr Dixon_bawls
Master of Turnips
The Hedgehog from Hell
Bonnie Langford
The Coast of Yemen
Fluffy Elephants
Aphex the Minx
Geoff the Clownfish

Happy Toast news brings you up to date info on my Ear

I'm secretly a super Hero

People I've made love horses:
IVESB: too many times to mention ( seriously would take a year to list them all, that man loves his horses)one here though.
Keyboard Weasel:here
Prof Kenny Martin
Wasted Industry : here
Emcake: here
Jessie: here
King Eric: here
itshatorahbitch: here

IVV made me pretty(yier)

Fluffy Elephants noticed I'd accidently listed her twice on teh sexy b3tans with snacks in their mouths list. After i removed the second one she demanded to be mentioned twice again, so wrote this poem.
Attention seeker.

"Oh Laird Dave Draws,
You look so ace
I just want to sit
And stare at you face.
And when that is over
After I've had a good looking
We'll do other things
Like extreme hardcore ....

Although the true reason as to why
I'm being so nice
Is to get a mention in your profile

I'm Currently studying the ways of teh geek towards a BSc in being a code monkey. Used to fix helicopters in the army but took a funny turn and fell off of one, so got put in IT and now can't get away from computers.

I also write draw and star in the webcomic fuct in the head.

The wonderful Mr Happy toast done and went zombied me

pzykozomatik gone and made me all Braveheart like.

Founder of

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» I hurt my rude bits

Not my rude bit thank god
I was at a young farmers dance, although i wasn't a farmer I lived in a village and you don't turn down the invites it was always a great laugh and beer flowed freely. Although they tended to be held in barns, so toilets are those porta potties. Us gents being the gents that we are leave the porta potties for the ladies to use and drained ourselves near another field. As me and another two guys were getting rid of the beer we had drank one of them does that "See how high I can pee" thing and all of a sudden drops like a sack of shit onto the fence. Starts twitching and is still pissing all over himself. Turns out the field contained cows and had an electric fence around it to stop them from leaving. oh how we laughed. Suppose he did too, he was pissing himself.

random knob joke
(Thu 13th Jul 2006, 22:41, More)

» I witnessed a crime

Witnesses an attempted mugging
Everyon in b3ta seems to have been almost mugged, its spooky.
I was going through Paisley train station late one night when a fella asks me for "50p fer the train mate..." as they often do, I started to blank out what he was saying and tapped my pocket saying I had no change.
Of course as I tap my pocket the change in my pocket clangs together.
"whats that then?"
"My taxi fare"
"give me that then"
"er no"
I see him pointing his finger through his jacket pocket.
"I've got a knife mate, just gimmie the money"
"have you fuck mate"
Then he kinda pauses and a slow motion moment happens, like you get when sober and you're all jacked up on adrenaline from expecting a junkie of trying to mug you.
He goes to punch me, I'm holding a bag in each hand, what do I do? quater of a second later my forehead is squishing his nose into his face.
One junkie on his arse with a busted face gibbering about how he was sorry and how he "didnae ken who I was". I walk off sharpish in shock and hoping that I wouldn't piss my pants or have a junkie with a real knife following me.
I went into a local kebab shop to clean the blood of my face and upon telling them of my junkie slaying was given a free portion of chips.

Not sure if technically I was the one that commited a crime as I assualted him then left him.
(Sun 17th Feb 2008, 1:15, More)

» Tightwads

Tighter than two coats of paint
We do a lot of traveling with work. Upon ariving at a destination, if there is a town and my boss fancies a read of the paper, instead of spending a few pence on buying one, he goes into a Barbers shop, sits down, reads the paper for two minutes, looks at his watch and goes "Oh crap I thought it was only 11" or an hour earlier than what it is. Folds up the paper under his arm and walks out briskly.
(Thu 23rd Oct 2008, 20:22, More)

» "Needless to say, I had the last laugh"

After my ex fiancée left me for another man EDIT: Now with added pictures. I don't have a honda Accord.
Scroll down for photos.

Edit: Didn't think people would get so Honda accord about this, anyhoo so pre story. She left me, I was toying with the idea of modeling and what not at the time after being approached by an agent at a party. I thought at first it might be one of those "Get your clothes off in my flat and I'll take pictures" kinda offers. But I decided to persue it on my own, my fiancée at the time told me that I'd never be able to make a living from it and it was a silly idea as I clearly wasn't attractive enough to do it.

I now work as a self employed stripper and male model, I have worked for such big names and Harley Davidson and the impressive Dominos pizza chain. I also have women throwing them selves at me at a regualar interval.
It was quite lonely sometimes though, but I have also recently started seeing someone who gets me entirely, doesn't question my past and just lets me be me.
So everyday I laugh and am filled with that self-righteous smugness.

No knob joke, I'm just awesome.
(Sun 6th Feb 2011, 1:27, More)

» IT Support

I was testing a Girl in sales PC after putting it back together
You know how it gets in office desks, the cables go everywhere and are immpossible to plug back in even though you just removed them 5 minutes ago. She's Standing at the seat of her desk thanking me for doing this and she is sorry about the hassle. I'm sat in the footwell (is it a footwell in a desk? or just the leg well?) telling her it's no problem this is my job after all. Then her phone goes, it's a customer, I've just switched her computer back on. I hear "Just give me two seconds I just need to log on to check that for you" and she sits down. I am trapped under a desk with a mimsy blocking my escape. I have no idea where the hell to look, what is the etiquette in such a situation? Do I tap her on the leg to let me out, do I shout, or do I sit there quietly until she finishes her call and stare at her pink knickers?
Length? about 26 minutes.
(Thu 24th Sep 2009, 15:02, More)
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