b3ta.com user Gat Bandish
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Bandish, Gat Bandish. Would put up cool stuff that I made an' all, but I'm a newby. And I'm so new to computers I'm still worried about proper grammatical stucture.

You win this time, teacher...

More later when I get a life WOO!

Sooooo, you want to know a little about me, eh? No? Good...
It all started in the dawn of time, when God said unto himself, "I shall make one righteous dude, call him Dave and place him upon Earth to make all existence worthwhile."
And so, Dave Mk. 1 was made, and died of loneliness. So, more people were made to fulfill my every whim.
And there you have it, I am the meaning of life.
Also, I play a mean piano (hee hee, I'm a pianist, how rude)

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Ignoring Instructions

Another one. Involving chili.
Got some chili sauce. "Who Dares Burns"
Rock and roll, thinks I, this should be fun.
It tasted absolutely disgusting and almost burnt the roof of my mouth off. So I thought I'd take it into school and start a poker tournament based around the hotsauce. Everyone got a taste first to know what they were getting in to. I told them to buy a drink beforehand. They didn't. Literally one drop later they were in hysterics looking for water.
First instruction ignored.
Poker tournament. Jakob loses, and consequently is instructed to chug the sauce. He ends up painting the walls and a guitar a lovely shade of bile. It was utter hilarity. Again, he didn't have a drink ready. I laughed until it hurt.
Looked at the bottle later on, "Eat sparingly. To be used as a condiment only, do not eat without accompanying food"
Second instruction ignored.
And what does lemon here do? He only goes and forgets about the trace amounts of chili on his fingers. Rubs eye and -discretely- picks nose a little bit. And so begins the 2-hour science lesson from hell. Eye streaming all that time and nose flaming.
"Do not make contact with the eye"
Third instruction ignored.
Nothing about cocks.
(Sat 6th May 2006, 17:25, More)

» Child Labour

I notice quite a few people are rubbing in their good jobs...
...and up steps Gat Bandish.
France. October half term. Lumped into Nantes with 30 or so strangers from England, everyone got to work in shops folding clothes.
I was put in a day care centre for 7-11 year olds. Basically where parents dump their kids for the holidays. And it was, as things appeared, for the rich-ish.
So every day I went in to be greeted with kisses on the cheek from the outstanding women working there, went on to the morning playing games, reading books, building towers from wooden blocks (the record was 9 and a half feet, I believe) and generally having a good time. Then eating food with whatever kids took a shine to me that day.
Then in the arvo we played outside. Racing trikes, hula hoops (bit of a failure), basketball, football etc.
Third day, we went to the circus.
Last day was near-enough Hallowe'en, I went in dressed as a pirate, murdered every person there with my fantastic foam-and-wood sword, shouted lots (well I WAS a pirate) and we went trick or treating. There's nothing quite like 50 small people stamping and yelling "WE WANT SWEETS!!"
We even hit the sweetshops.
I was hyper for the rest of the day.
And getting a peck on the cheek from all the wee girls was about the single sweetest thing I've ever seen/experienced.
I didn't even abuse any of them.
(Tue 21st Feb 2006, 16:46, More)

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

I went to a wedding once.

(Thu 11th May 2006, 16:50, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

And of course there's the fire extinguisher one.
I never was one for wearing goggles. One day, I had to use the fire extinguisher, eject it into a large beaker thusly creating dry ice. Cold doesn't begin to describe it. So I got someone to hold an apron over the beaker, creating a lid between the dry ice and the rest of the world, and let rip.
Shoulda worn goggles.
All I remember is a jet of deadly cold, poisonous snow racing facewards. It stuck to my hair. It stuck to my lips. But most importantly, it stuck to my eyebrows.
Then it started to turn back into CO2. So my head had it's own little atmosphere, composed of little to no oxygen. Which wasn't a good idea. It looked cool, though, my head was a misty ball of...mist. Then the lack of oxygen caught up with me and I thought it'd be a good idea to get some proper air. It wasn't really easy. And all this while, the ice in my eyebrows was making it's way into the eyes, causing a searing pain both from the cold and the pure carbon dioxide doing something unwanted to my eyes.
And the teacher just laughed.
(Sat 6th May 2006, 17:33, More)

» School fights

Comedy(ish) one this time
Not me, but my dad. So I doubt the truthfulness of this story. Dad went to a school (noway!) in North London. Someone sitting behind him said, and I quote: Oi you cunt, gimme a pencil.
Dad turns around and embeds his pencil in this guy's hand. Classic.
(Sat 11th Mar 2006, 16:07, More)
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