» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Leeds 2002
My mate and I thought it would be a great idea to buy 100 pills and make some money at the dance tent. Unfortunately ended up taking possibly 20+ pills in two days, all I remember is mud wrestling in the campsite with 300 people cheering me on, trying to create my personal monkey army in the woods running around scaring innocents with a large mallet whilst covered in dry mud, guns and roses being amazing and being beaten by coppers before my parents drove to leeds from manchester to pick me up from the nick.
Then high security mental hospital for 9 long fuzzy months. I had the best time ever at Leeds but the consequences were most severe.
Don't do nowt now, don't miss it either.
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 13:20, More)

» Jobsworths

Die ! Doorman! Die!
Left me wallet in a local pub like a boyfool, noticed about two boozers and 2 hours later. Cue me running around like a blueassed fly thinking fucksocks-fucksocks...

Finally got back to the first pub, the footy had started and their was a bit of a queue outside watched over a twatfaced bouncer.
Excuse me but.......
Me-Think ma wallet's inside can I just check at the bar, only be a sec mate?
TFB- No
Me-Why not?
TFB-Queue
Me- I'll just be a minute
TFB- No
Me-Can you go?
TFB- Not till me mate gets here
Me- Whens that then?
TFB- Dunno
Me-What can I do then?
TFB- Ring the bar (I'm standing outside)
Me-Alright then whats the number?
TFB- Dunno

Which left me to walk home only to cancel my cards and be pissed off. Relief and anger in equal measure when ringing the pub and finding some supernice person had handed my £4 BHS leather friend.

Ah but my rewengay was so sweet!
Oh no it wasn't I didn't do anything
Petty arsefaced shame to the gorrila race Jobsworth twat!

(First post)
Apologies for the length, it's not long enough I know, first attempt..
(Thu 12th May 2005, 23:21, More)