b3ta.com user Brian Blessed
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» Worst Nicknames Ever

Two cups
I had a mate (let's call him "Brian Reid").

He made the foolish mistake of claiming, whilst hormone-fuelled teenagers, that he could fill two cups with semen.

His nickname was therefore "two cups", and sometimes "cups, two" when we were being more formal.
(Sat 20th May 2006, 14:43, More)

» Oldies vs Computers

I had some cocky helpdesk monkey on the phone to me and he took remote control of my computer. He said "if you see the mouse moving around, don't touch anything because its just me ok".

Needless to day, I held the mouse still as I didn't want it to fall off the desk.

I think he may have meant "the cursor" when he said "the mouse". Needless to say, I had the last laugh!
(Fri 22nd Sep 2006, 20:49, More)

» Terrible food

Day after paying deposit + first month's rent, which was also the day before pay day
Three grown men, no money whatsoever. Literally, NO money. Seems incredible now but that's how it was.

We ate a slop made of canned mushy peas and rice.

I realise it's not funny at all to the external observer but it was utterly humiliating to all those involved.

If you're ever feeling curious, try serving it up for yourself and see how you get on. Then, and only then, will you appreciate this horror.
(Fri 18th May 2007, 1:40, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

My mother
told me that there is a god.

She's a fucking liar, if ever there was one.
(Fri 16th Jan 2004, 14:02, More)