» Messing with the Dark Side

Never before have i been more scared in my life
as bizzare as this story is, I garuntee, its 100% true. - not sure if it counts however i wasnt realy trying to tempt any evils.

About 3 weeks ago, I was walking back from a nights drinking and poker at a mates, around 2am, because I had work at 8, so I wanted a good nights sleep in my own bed.

I live in a pretty farmy area, so to get to my village from the next, youve got to get down some pretty dimly lit country lanes, past rabbit colonies and the likes,
It was eerily lit, and I was merrily plodding along with my kronenburg in my hand, enjoying the rustles of the odd rabbit legging it home scared,
But, the rustles got a bit more violent, and that scene from jurassic park came to mind, naturally, i steped up my walking a pace to a brisk stroll,
But the rustles just got worse and a bit louder and violent,
....they died down again after a moment, and, I stopped, the street lights start again about 200 yards down the lane where my village begins to emerge so i could see i was safely on my way home, I knelt down to do my bootlace up,
Cue, the bushes to my right, a creeping rustle,
And the most god awful, unholy Snarling sound ive ever heard, and a bolt of ungodly black evil tore out from the shrubbary, fuck me ive never lept to my feet so quick i couldnt even hold onto my beer, and I legged it as fast as i could toward the streetlights,
I stopped, under the second or third light, to look back, and in the middle of the lane, staring madly at me, was the biggets fuckoff badger ive ever seen, about 100yards back
That thing would have eaten me, i swear,

That my friends, was the scaries moment, of my life.
(Mon 24th Apr 2006, 23:04, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

Not myself, by a friends friend
Not myself, but a friends rather amusing anecdote of what happend to him and their friend one fatal 18th birthday a few years back.

The scene is, buddy turns 18, so, cue the drinking of legal beers at around 10am, but 3pm, everyone was well and truely sloshed,
waiting for the train, one speeds past (obviously not the one they needed, but drunken newly 18 friend though it was - so he begins runing down the platform, screeming stop stop, slapping his hand on the carridges and SMASH face first into a pillar.

everyone rushes over horrified to see if they are okay "are you alright?"
"nurrh....no.....ah shit meselffph..."
says the over boozed lad.

so, 10 minits till their train arrives everyone scrapes together what little cash they have, and hands it to him,
-here leggit to oxfam to get a new pair of grandad trousers or somthing, (as his were pretty shitty by now)
so, off he legsit with around 7quid.
2 minits till train comes and he comes mincing back with his green oxfam bag ,and they all board the train, he pop into the toilets to get changed.
a few minits pass, and a shitty pair of jeans fly past the train winow - "fair play, hes getting rid of the evidence, they thing"
another 5 or 6 minits pass, and people get concerend, perhaps hes passed out in the toilet....
so, the toddle off to check -
*knock knock* you okay in there mitch?
"..nuh..."
"whats wrong?"
"I bought a jumper"
and out he walks, wearing this old wooly jumper around himself like a huge diaper.
and that my friends, is what he bought when drunk.
I find it very funny - but apologies for lenght girth, width and circumference to all who did not enjoy.
(Thu 9th Jun 2005, 22:56, More)

» When animals attack...

Voilent Little Critters
we went to the butterfly farm in year 4, so i was around 8,
I, wanting to impress had decided to borrow daddys sweet smelling aftershave, so i seemed grown up,
However, these butterflys liked the sweet nectar i was soaked in, cue the onslaught of around 20 butterflys trying to drink the sweet sweet nectar from my arms, face and neck.
Butterflys make me quiver to this day.
(Mon 6th Jun 2005, 23:03, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

need to cut back now,
everyone loves a bit of nostelgia, but as of 3.45am on monday morning, i roll over in a painful daze, and find my cumputor to be on and balrring 8-s rock at me, i squinted across at it, and moved closer only to find an invoice on my glaring monitor in the corner of my room after far too much wine, i am the proud "winner" of the auction for the entire collection of charlie chalk series on video.
I used to love that guy, only one problem, i dont currently own a video player.... problem solved as i have also ordred a video player to watch them on...or so it seems, how handy - i hsall make a point of watching them however.
Should make for a good night in with the lads.
(Tue 14th Jun 2005, 0:08, More)

» Teenage Parties

Birthdays in the summer....
Being born in may, I was always the party host,
Sun and beer, always good, get started at around 2pm, For my 17th birthday, I had a bigass BBQ, being the chef amoungst my friends always an excuse to cook somthing,
well, one friend bought me a 35 quid bottle of champagne, others bought me bottles of wine, etc, i didnt even ask for all this stuff, i geuss im just dead popular, i dont know,
well, as the night progressed, so did the drinking, and one mate, well known for being stupidly pissed often, decided it woudl be a good idea to bottle me - im known for being quite a tolerant guy, and i dont mind being glassed occasionaly if its done right and doesnt hurt, but this occasion, lets call him will, decided to bottl me, with a full bottle, of champagne, it damn near knocked me out, and the bottle only broke, because he dropped it after hitting me, needless to say, 35quid and a concussion, pissed me off, so i turned around an threw and allmighty right hook at him, removing 3 of his teeth - which ended up imbedded in my fist (oh yeah, i am also a boxer)
needless ot say, i prettymuch came out looking like the madman at my own party, but everyone forgave me and we played drinking games all night whilst he cried.

he got his own back though, him and his bird fucked in my bed that night and left stains everywhere, touche, but how she managed it with his face looking like that ill never know.
I never approached him about it, but he and i know, its in the looks we exchange,
Jokes on him though, steve saw them do it, and shes got wonkey nipples apparently.

hrm....
apologies for lenght, girth and masculinity
(Sat 15th Apr 2006, 22:59, More)