» When I met the parents

not my g/f but still met parents
was coming round after a great session around a living room floor the previous night, lying on a sofa in my bday suit covered by just a sheet, felt like Ewan Mcgregor in Trainspot*

opened my eye to see last nights Dad sat watching TV suppin a cuppa. Proceeded to get an hours interogation from Dad and Mum, sat on the end of sofa wrapped in a sheet, putting shirt back on e.t.c.

Still unaware where i was, managed to shuffle off to the bathroom to gather senses, and saw the biggest collection of fkukin hickies around my chest and lower reagions in my life, Ha!

Only found out where i was when she called a taxi for me and i asked the cabbie where i was, he reckoned i must have had a bloody good night as my car was 30 miles away from my start point (a mates house where i was supposed to end up) and still had another 40 to get home then.

are other meet the parents stories, but mainly involve the pressure of fixing the Dads PC, and suspecting i was being judged on that! thing ran like a dream after 4 hours of farting around and had a fantastic meal, shame i had been dumped a couple of days previously by the daughter of the very same Dad, still mates but bloody miss...

anyway, cheers
(Sun 22nd May 2005, 12:19, More)

» Childhood Ambitions

Ghostbusters
I wanted to be a ghostbuster as a little kid too, when it came out and on for a few years.

at 28, i found this the other week in new yooiik





nearly there
(Sun 1st Apr 2007, 14:03, More)

» Heckles

Dara O'Briain - Mock the week
Was in the Anvil in Basingstoke last night to watch Dara o'Briain, the fckin funny rapid fire paddy that hosts mock the week on bbc2 or whatever.

he's talking about sterio types

an asks, 'what's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the French?'

bloke in crowd 'Smelly, Arrogant'

'How about the Dutch?'

'Spliff Heads'

'And how about the Americans?'

and not 3 metres 2 rows away from me a scally pipes up

'Wankers!'

Dara goes 'best not mention the germans then'

cheers

(hasten to add the whole set was to dispell sterio types an take the piss ironically, but acknowledged it'll probably be lost on the targets anyway, 'specially the yanks)
(Fri 7th Apr 2006, 19:18, More)

» The most cash I've ever carried

Bought a new car (in 1999)
Went between garage forecourts with £10k in an envelope in 20's looking for a Black 2 door coupe.

One was a car supermarket place that had a Honda Prelude 2.2 vtec up for £8k

took it out, loved it, stupid arse wouldn't budge on the price, no deal, nothing. It had 3 months tax and 2 month MOT on it and wouldn't knock it down, or take the 8k if he Taxed and MOT'd it, twunt

Offered him this on spot, but the stupid twunt wanted to screw people on the interest payments on an HP payment i reckoned. they're bust now

The suited salesmen in the offical Ford dealership over the road bent over backwards an knocked £2k off the price of a £12 1.7 Black Puma coz i offered the £10k cash there an then, cool*


(* Think there was some tax incentive to cut price it for cash i reckon)
(Fri 23rd Jun 2006, 17:27, More)

» Birthdays

21st and 22nd
On my 21st, the night before, i ended up boffing a mates older (24yr) sister, which was pretty cool at the time. Queue a couple of hours later, meet my mates on my Bday, they're all gigging like kids. i'm thinking they know about the night before or something.

Get in the pub, an loads are like it. Next thing i know after a few beers and messing around, this huge bird waddles in, must be 25+ stone

Bastards have got me a grot-gram. long story short, kecks out window, too much baby oil, hernia, that sorta thing, it all passed of after a while. Never said a word about the night before.

Year later they were all so ashamed of the previous one, i was the first to get a 2nd stripper, this one tho was size 8 nurse type, cool. no boffing mates sisters that time tho, shame
(Sat 10th Dec 2005, 9:55, More)