b3ta.com user bigdave
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Profile for bigdave:
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I have no inspiration when it comes to words. I live in Liverpool, but hail from Bradford. Consequently no one understands a word I say anywhere.
I am the undesputed king of the Pot Noodle and expert in the way of the Pot Noodle Sandwich.

I'm now a full time lurker...

Recent front page messages:

Amelie knew the inevitable was coming

Clive was a fucking lightweight who couldn't handle his beer.
(Sat 19th Oct 2002, 15:13, More)

I said there was a look of Morcambe and Wise...

(Fri 18th Oct 2002, 23:59, More)

Nohands proved popular down the park
for his supreme swing-pushing.

However, as little Jim learned to his cost, he didn't always know his own strength.
(Fri 11th Oct 2002, 16:42, More)

I think he sees this

(Thu 29th Aug 2002, 22:14, More)

Don't disturb a sleeping kitten

They're equipped with F16s.
(Tue 13th Aug 2002, 10:49, More)

High above Afghanistan
the Americans are using their new weapon

(Wed 3rd Jul 2002, 19:44, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Dad Jokes

If I haven't seen my dad in a while...
I usually ask "Has anything happened?" to which he will reply "No, nothing I can think of" and then we enter into what now is a rether well scripted piece that may confuse anyone who doesn't know us...

Dad: No nothing. Oh, but your dog died
Me: My dog died? How did that happen?
D: It wandered into the barn and ate some burnt horse flesh, and that killed it.
M: Why was there burnt horse flesh in the barn?
D: Oh a spark from the house must have landed on it and set it on fire. The dog went in, ate some burnt horse flesh and died. Other than that, nothing happened.
M: How did a spark come to land on the barn?
D: Oh, one of the candles around the coffin set the curtains on fire, a spark landed on the barn then the dog went in and ate some burnt horse flesh and died. Nothing else happened.
M: Why was a coffin in the house?
D: Oh your wife died and was brought into the house. One of the candles set the curtains on fire, burnt the house down and a spark landed on the barn. Then your dog ate some of the burnt horse flesh and died. Apart from all that, nothing else happened.

I used to get that EVERY time I visited while at university (and I was at university for 8 years...)

ps. I've started on with that gag about putting the kettle on now. I'm doomed to be a parent!
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 15:10, More)