b3ta.com user Grinned2Death
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The People Who Grinned Themseleves to Death
Smiled so much they failed to take a breath
And even when thier kids were starving
They all thought that we were charming

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» Vandalism

Impressive Button
At my college an emergancy exit door had a sign that read "PRESS TO RELEASE DOOR'

Needless to say, for the 2 years (and ongoing years afterwards) the 'R' of Door was changed into an 'M' and reverted back by staff on a number of occasions. This was helped as the button was a large, red, detonation style button. I released DOOM on almost a daily basis.
(Fri 8th Oct 2010, 7:53, More)

» School Trips

Bit of a Repost but still...
So, picture the scene.

4 rather uppity French teacher's decide that the best way to get a group of 60 snotty 11 year olds into their new French lessons is to take them on a day trip to Boulogne. Yes, thats right, a DAY trip. The whole excursion was to last 24 hours....oh if only it was that simple...

We left the school at 11pm and set off on our merry way. A 'quick' stop of at Oxford Services turned into a 'long and frantic looking for the lost child and adult guardian' stop, where we spent just over 1hrs looking for this coupling. They were of course, signing up for an RAC membership and sorting out some double glazing for thier new front room.

Moving on from Oxford found us at the channel tunnel and onwards to France. After arriving we cruised down their lovely Autoroutes only for the gear box of one of the coaches to break down. We were to stop of at a Supermarche, so this required the one coach driver to drive to the shop, drive back for the other kids, and then back again.

Here the same family who had bought the RAC membership, decided to do a bit of a booze cruise, stocking up on liquors of all shapes and sizes. This 'over-stocking' caused their trolley to buckle and for the contents to splash /break upon/corrode the tarmac below (well if you will use the equivalent of a B&Q heavy loading trolley what do you expect?)

After moving on from the Supermarche, we arrived in Bolougne. Here, the coach driver decided to drive down a narrow (and busy) one way street. As with all good British bus drivers he was going the wrong way down said street. This caused much anger with our French counterparts. So much so, that said British driver got out and nearly started a punch up...

In Bologne, during a gentle afternoon of shopping and drinking, one of the parent helpers (read "Parents wanting a free trip to France") had her bag nicked from outside a shop. Cue, spending 4 additional hours at the police station with the teachers trying to translate all the proceedings.

After all of this we moved back to the Channel Tunnel, only to be stopped by the Ministry of Transport. (This was of course during the Foot and Mouth crisis so I stuffed my home made bacon sandwiches down my throat). We were ordered of the coach and seats were slashed open.

Of course, due to all the extra ferrying around that the coach driver had done, he had completed far more hours that he could legally and his tacograph showed this. Result? A 7 hour wait in customs while substitute driver is supplied by coach company.

Eventually, he arrives and we are taken home...

All this for 60 excited 11 year olds...

They didn't run the trip again

(Sun 10th Dec 2006, 23:13, More)

» Useless advice

The Wonderful Joys of Computing
My computing lecturer has to be one of the most inept people at teaching in the world. Seriously, If thats all it takes to get a job at my college then Im attending an interview and reading from the textbook whilst also becoming a fat a frumpy old woman whos lost all but one marble.

Anyway, the other week whilst preparing for an exam, she asked a question about internet protocols. One chap answered with quite a modern, upto date answer only for her to respond...

"Yes, that is correct. In fact its a model answer"

The student smiled

"However...don't write it in your exam, its wrong and you'll lose marks. And when you're sitting there crying and in dispair in your exam, don't say I didn't warn you because I did. But still, its right, just don't write that down, because, well...I said so"

And she just stopped...no explaination, just froze in time. Its as if she'd over heated and crashed. It wasn't until about 6 minutes later when someone asked if she was ok that she continued with the lesson...
(Sat 21st Oct 2006, 21:22, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Let Loose? I bet...
Back in 1994 I was only a nipper and went to CBBC's Big Bash at the NEC. As was the time of the day, celebs used to wander about and talk to people ect...

So, being the long and liquid inducing day that it was, me and my dad needed to do what humans need to do (in otherwords...empty ones bladder).

So, after trudling into the toilet, Let Loose (terrible 1990s band) and Toby Anstis (not very good CBBC Presenter) came in. Toby being the 'child-loving' person he was, stood next to me at the urinal. I at this time in my life, did not know the 'urinal rules' (i.e. No looking, No talking, Leave a Gap between users ect). So I looked up with my innocent eyes and said "You're crap compared to Chris". With that I zipped up and went to leave

(Chris being Chris Jarvis - I later learnt, that he is equally as much a twat)

As me and my dad did leave tho, there had been a group of teenage girls that had surrounded outside the door. As soon as we opened it, we were blinded with flashes of photo-hunters.

I just smile knowing the fact that I insulted a shit CBBC Presenter and that around 50 girls have got a picture of a 45 year old dad with shaven hair and his brat for a son.

(Thu 25th May 2006, 18:42, More)

» Protest!

Hang on a minute
I've only ever protested once in my life and ended up publicly announcing a group pledge to want to kill myself. Honestly.

About three years ago funding was being taken from a theatre I worked at in Exeter. Not war. Not University. Not healthcare. The Arts - the one area you haven't a leg to stand on.

We all had placards with one fiesty woman leading up the shouting in classic call and response format. All was going well. 'EXETER NEEDS A THEATRE" - "Exeter Needs a Theatre" / "THE ARTS ARE IMPORTANT..." - "The arts are important..." / "...IN OUR COMMUNITY" etc.

Great. Until she shouted....

"WE DON"T WANT TO LIVE..." and we dutifully replied .... "WE DON'T WANT TO....wait...what?"


"Ah ok..."

I thought she was about to pass around the poisoned broth and create a suicide pact...
(Mon 15th Nov 2010, 12:37, More)
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