b3ta.com user Samantha Bricks Better half
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i dunno what to write sniff sniff

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» Tantrums

Just went to see Batman in Denver
They ran outta popcorn, to say i wasn't happy is an understatement but I showed them.
(Fri 20th Jul 2012, 10:05, More)

» Down on the Farm

Seeing this page is usally full of puns
Anyone hear much about that tractor movie?

I've only seen the trailer...
(Thu 24th May 2012, 13:46, More)

» My most gullible moment

my girlfriend her sister and a friend.
Got them all in one go,

We were sitting in the pub talking about March Of The Penguins and I told them that when they do the overhead shots from helicopters or when planes land (do they?) with supplies the penguins are startled and look up to see this new creature. However when they fly directly overhead they topple backwards and can't get up again. When I said this they were all "thats so cute" etc and then felt bad for them being unable to right themselves. I then had to tell them of the penguin righters who's job it was was to run out when they seen them fall and either put them on their bellys again so they can stand up again or in the case of baby ones stand them straight themselves.

Told them you could apply online and all. I then completly forgot about it untill the other night I got a text asking for the site, she thought it could be fun and wanted to know more and if i'd go. I had to come clean then, I didn't want her to get to pissed off and cut me off from the hairy cup

length? it does
(Thu 21st Aug 2008, 20:18, More)

» Pubs

Probably nothing compared to most of these stories
But when working in my local for a birthday party i had the misfortune of nipping to the loo for a shit and as i was relieving myself i heard a womans voice and the undoing of a belt buckle. As i listened closer it became very VERY apparent that she was getting a good hard ramming from someone. oh how i laughed and finished dropping the kids off. It was when i came out to the bar again that i realised what was going on.

The girl in question was the girl celebtaring her 21st with her entire family and her boyfreind and their friends. however seeing that her boyfriend was still out here a quick head count meant that she had taken the guy that 5 minutes before had been sleeping at the bar.

Oh oh

it was only a matter of time before someone she knew went for a shit, heard the commotion and told the family ( i had just told the locals, we wanted some fun that night so we sat back and relaxed) The father went apeshit trying to kick down the door, the boyfrind was i tears, people were trying to console the hysterical mother, friends were fighting eachother and blaming everyone else and she refused to come out cause "all you fuckers don't understand" it carried on for another 5 mins or so by this time the hallway was packed before the guy made a run for it got caught and had to be grabbed by myself an 2 other staff as the family wanted blood. we put him into the back room got most of the troublemakers out (inc the girls who you could hear crying the whole way up the road. oh how we laughed until we came back into the back bar to see loverboy asleep again and a smell wafting from his direction. Yes ladies and gents this romeo who the birthday girl had chosen was better than her current boyfriend was now lying asleep in a chair having both shat himself and pissed his pants. Classy. i do feel sorry for the mate who had to give him a lift home.
(Tue 10th Feb 2009, 17:15, More)

» School Assemblies

Oh this is going back some time
We were all called to our national school hall for some very important bullcrap that us as 8 year olds could not give the slightest of fucks for. Everyone looking ahead as the principal waffled on and on, and then he paused.

It was at this moment that whatever was sitting in my bowels decided to make itself heard and the wettest sloppiest pfffffffffffffffffffffffftTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT seeped out of my rear. Every single kid and teacher heard it. Silent but deadly? Nope, it was like a thunder clap.

The teachers bit their lips, the kids however couldn't and once one started giggling it just kept spreading till eventually everyone was pissing themselves*.

To top it all off the enraged principal picked one lad who was a few rows behind and demanded to know what was funny to which he replied, "well sir, its just the fact that someone farted". Cue hysterics from the kids and a fuming principal who could do nothing as technically he was right. Fair play rubber!

*figure of speech
(Thu 13th Jun 2013, 16:26, More)
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