b3ta.com user Hermioninny
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» I met a weirdo on the interweb

Wascally Weasel
When people ask us how we met, we have a nice line in staring at the ground, scuffing our shoes and mumbling 'Internet'.

Ok, here's the full story, since I missed posting it in the 'unfortunate misunderstandings' QOTW a while back. WW and I met online and arranged to meet up for a drink and maybe a meal. I'm not (at all) known for my reticence, but somehow on this occasion a previously untapped well of the stuff kicked in as soon as we met in person, and I was struck utterly dumb. Since we'd already spoken on the phone and got on famously, this was somewhat alarming to both of us.

Still, to give him due credit, WW manfully tried to make the best of a bad situation, got us drinks, arranged the furniture so we could actually see each other despite the dazzling sunlight in the bar, and attempted to strike up a conversation. Since the paramilitary wing of the countryside lobby had been in the news that day, with demos and parliament invasions etc, he asked me the perfectly reasonable and topical opening question, 'So, what do you think of foxhunting then?' At which, he says, my face dropped a little, I looked even more daft for a minute, and then said 'Well, it's not my favourite thing but I'm willing to give it a go.' On seeing his baffled look, I suddenly realised that he had said 'foxhunting', not 'c*cks*cking'. Needless to say, my explanation of this broke the ice and we've been together ever since. Still can't understand a word he's saying half the time though...
(Fri 17th Mar 2006, 9:47, More)

» Personal Hygiene

The shroud
I had a housemate a few years back who never never never washed his bedlinen. When he moved out you could see the entire imprint of his body on the sheet, just like the Shroud of Turin...
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 13:16, More)

» Join us... come join the cult

Chick Publications
When I was a student in Northern Ireland we used to get deluged with religious nutter pamphlets, mostly along Christian themes but some of them were pretty rabid. One of our landlords was so 'in with God' that when we moved out of his house, my goth flatmate took down her Marilyn Monroe poster only to find a pamphlet about Mary Magdalen, Whore of Satan tucked behind it. It wasn't there when we moved in...

Anyway, I digress, one of my friends collected these religious pamphlets (including the amazing Ice Gritter Death, about someone who nearly lost his appendages in a grisly winter accident but found God instead) and was planning to write his English Literature dissertation on them. By far the looniest are the Chick cartoon brainwashing booklets which explain in badly drawn detail how D&D will turn you into a witch, or how Harry Potter is the evillest boy in the world etc. www.chick.com/default.asp

I was walking through Chicago last May (there for the day to appear on Oprah, another cult - and another story) when I passed a guy thrusting leaflets at everyone, with no takers. I did a quick double-take and realised he was a Chick-pusher, so turned back, smiling happily and said 'Brilliant! You're a nutter! Yes please!', took my pamphlet and moved swiftly on before his beaming smile at my positive reaction faded when he registered what I'd actually said...
(Fri 27th Jan 2006, 13:38, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

big oops...
My cousin was in a music shop looking for a secondhand trombone to buy when Martin Clunes walked in. My cousin was a fan of his and wanted to say something to him, so he said the first thing that came into his head: 'Hey mate, have you got a trombone for sale?'
Martin Clunes looked at him a little strangely, but replied politely in the negative.
Upon which, my cousin replied 'Oh ok, I just thought, with those lips...'
I think he still wants to apologise, so Martin, if you're reading this, he's really sorry!
(Fri 26th May 2006, 13:36, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Oh, and of course, the classic...
(Mon 7th May 2007, 9:35, More)
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