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A Couple Of Lifes Warm Experiences
A number of years ago after a particulary heavy night down Manchester I was visited the next day by my girlfriend. Feeling the shunting sensation of gas pockets moving around my lower bowel and finding farts hysterically funny I decided to bend over and engulf my girlfriends head in a warm cloud of gas. Unfortunately the bending motion and afteraffects of the night before had an unexpected consequence and I ended up filling my jogging pants all the way down to the elasticated ankles with a substantial layer of warm viscous shite. Although the accompanying sound and my sudden departure must have made it clear exactly what had happened she never mentioned the incident or dumped (no pun intended) me.

I also used to play a lot of sports at school and being a lanky, skinny bloke suffered from back problems from time to time. On one occasion I had gone for shit at home and after laying the cable bent over to pick the toilet roll up off the floor, cue the most incredible pain I have ever felt as I managed to slip a disk in my back. I had to whimper (shouting hurt too much) for my mum to come and help me and when she arrived she had to wipe my arse for me as I was bent double and unable to move. I am still unsure as to what was worse the pain or the pyschological trauma of having to have my mum wipe my arse for me when I was 15.
(Fri 7th May 2004, 20:31, More)