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» Your Weirdest Teacher

Dr. Bailey
we shall call her. She attempted one day to show us the joys of a pig's lung - you know, poking it, prodding it, etc. And then attempted to inflate said lung with a glass tube. She huffed. And she puffed. But she couldn't inflate that little lung (not made of bricks, before you ask). Why not, I hear you cry? She asked the same question several times of God in the 15 minute period that she took before having a look down the aforementioned tube. Which was no longer a tube, but a solid glass rod. That's why, you silly bint.
(Thu 10th Nov 2005, 23:31, More)

» Teenage Parties

an evening in the park...
turned into a rather drunken affair with a mate, having consumed black absinthe (why? WHY?) we staggered our way homewards around 11:00, and decided that we wanted a cigarette. asked the nearest smoker for one, who demanded of us 'what are you going to do for me, eh?'
we'll sing you a fucking song, is what we'll do. cue a rendition of a light italian aria in the middle of the town square, the smoker giving us a whole pack, and passers-by throwing loose change in my jumper that'd i'd dropped on the floor. quite a profitable evening, i feel.
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 19:04, More)

» Injured Siblings

My sister punched me...
and broke three fingers.

well, it made me laugh..
(Mon 22nd Aug 2005, 13:53, More)

» Hidden Treasure

i was at reading fest, and...
sitting about on a very cold night waiting for someone to play some music. so we made a little fire out of all the little bits of paper...and i picked one up, just about to chuck it in the fire, when i suddenly realise it's a tenner. Woo! run to bar, only to discover it's a fake tenner, reading 'Banksy of England' and 'I promise to pay the bearer on demand the ultimate price' (anyopne ever seen one?). trudge back to fire, sad and cold. looking for more paper, when - twenty pounds!! run to bar, it's real, buy drinks, freeze. worth it though. made my day.
(Sun 3rd Jul 2005, 21:59, More)

» On the stage

some bastard..
stitched myself and a friend up by sawing partially through the table legs on our set. so when a friend and i sat down on the coffee table halfway through the show, it collapsed like an interesting reverse bit of ikea flat-pack. cue myself and said friend and rest of cast trying not to have hysterics, and a muffled giggle from the culprit seated at the back.

never mind. we switched said bastard's apple juice for urine. poor dear had to neck half a carton of the stuff. on stage.
(Fri 2nd Dec 2005, 23:03, More)
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