b3ta.com user fuchsiaperfect
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» I was drunk when I bought this

I searched ebay for "testicle"....
I can't remember why but it seemed a good idea at the time. There were two for sale, both from different sellers. One was a real one (buyer collects) but the starting price was too high even though he said it was in excellent working order as he'd just become a daddy. I wish I'd saved this page as it was removed by ebay - not allowed to sell body parts. The other one was an ornamental pottery penis with one testicle, starting price £20. I bid for it and sadly no-one else did. It is truly horrible.
(Tue 14th Jun 2005, 13:43, More)

» Presents

I don't know if I dare...
My local tattoo and body piercing studio is selling vouchers. It was the sign outside which caught my eye - "Give the Gift of Pain this Christmas".....
(Sun 29th Nov 2009, 12:35, More)

» Grandparents

a small sherry...
We used to share a house with my grandad until I was about five. I used to love licking the bowl when my mum made meringues, so when I saw a little bowl with something white and foamy in it in my grandad's room I went straight for it. Unfortunately it turned out to be his shaving foam, but he reckoned the best thing to take the taste away was a small glass of sherry... I don't remember much of the rest of the day.
(Mon 6th Jun 2011, 10:32, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Watching the Bruce Forsyth Show on acid
..was not a good idea. It's taken me nearly 40 years to recover enough to be able to watch Strictly Come Dancing without screaming. However, I had a great time watching Monty Python (the death by tennis raquets sketch) after eating a grass-stuffed Thanksgiving turkey. Now I am older and wiser, I will be watching the Queen's Speech this Christmas, fortified by a bottle of absinthe and some peyote tea.
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 13:37, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Pub Food Boards...
One drunken night recently I went home and got some chalk and added some exotic options to my local pub's outside blackboard menu: "Roast Parrot and chips £3.50" is the only one I can remember. I'm a middle-aged librarian... I'm proud of the fact that (apparently) my spelling and punctuation were perfect.
(Sat 19th Sep 2009, 10:24, More)
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