b3ta.com user lunus
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I'm a twenty eight year-old piscean of Blackpool, Lancashire extraction; but now encamped in Bamber Bridge, near the fair city of Preston.

I spend far too much time mincing about on my bike and lording it up on my EeePC in public.

Linux geek (Debian) with a penchant for loose-leaf tea and 1980s music. I can be found mostly on UCLan campus or on the venerable 125 bus service between home and University.

Live with my partner, Jonti, and dog, Monkey, in a twee little cottage.

Ch.. ch.. changes

I have embarked on my second foray into University, this time at UCLan - studying History and Economics. Formerly, I studied Computer Science at Durham, but employment became increasingly boring and full of just-out-of-short trousers types who thought they knew better and probably did.


I tend to stay in the shadows, not for lack of social skills; more due to the fact I rarely have anything amusing to say in text-format.

I'm very loud in person and you'd need to put something in my mouth to silence me. Yes, that is an offer, even though I'm not one of those full-on gay types: I'm one of those strange middle-of-the-road bisexuals.

I find people funny in general and so I'm here to read answers to QOTW (it makes me titter at work) and see the wonderfully creative things that people can muster.

so, work you say?

I worked as a Web Developer for a long while, from 2003-2009, but have now abandoned full-time work for full-time study.

contact me!

Member of the I Just Want a Hug Club

I'm contactable via the following:


You can read my witterings here here

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Sacked

i was sacked for being a shit, but a proud one
I used to work for a chain of pubs, Yates, and basically was a pump jockey for a couple of weeks until my duty manager realised that I could add up and I was a University student (it was a summer job) therefore, I could train to be a bar manager (meant I did the tills at the end of the night and worked a rota). The pay would go up, so I said what the heck.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, Blackpool's season is in full-swing. I loved working nights as I tended to get lots of tips from the ladies and I was good at making the cocktails (I always say that cocktail manufacture is like chemistry with sex-appeal). At the end of one such night we were told that since it had been so busy, we'd all have to muck in on the cleaning and the place needed to spotless at 2am.

Needless to say, due to the complete laziness of most employees and the lack of energy after a 10hour shift, 2am came round and the place still looked like a student bedroom.

We all beavered away and I noted on my timesheet that we finished at 2.45am. The timesheet was handed in and my wage packet the next thursday came and showed me working until 2am. Sure enough, the manager of the place informed me there had been ample time and tough, we were only paid until 2am.

I then waited until the Saturday, when I worked nights. Another busy night and come 2am, the place was a shambles. I asked the manager, loud and proud "Are we still being paid now?", the answer as expected was "No". I shouted a riot act at him and downed tools. I marched to the door and was told "don't come back".

I went in the next shift and the manager had a quiet word with me, regarding the fact that I will get paid for all hours I work, as long as I don't tell the rest of the staff. I kept my end of the bargain up, and so did he.

It was when I was shunted onto day-only shifts that I got a grievance. I then noticed that a blonde bimbo had been promoted to Night shift manager and I thought what the hell, so just got on with it, as the new Uni term was only a couple of weeks away.

One night, I was asked to work for someone who'd called in sick. I turned up for the shift and noticed that the blonde thing hadn't been seen for a while, so assumed the management role for a bit.

After a few hours, I needed change, so, stressed miffed off and completely irate I marched to the office and unlocked the door, completely oblivious at this point to the blonde being boned by two doormen and the manager (who were all naked).

I, still irate, oblivious, opened the safe and got my change. I then left, slammed the door to the office and then on my way back to the bar realised what had been going on in the office.

It was only then I had the genius idea to turn on the office security camera on the large screen projector that was showing the rugby. (I'd found out previously that the cctv screen behind the bar could be used to watch sky, so I knew that they were on the same circuit..)

Some families demanded to see the manager and licensee, to which I said certainly, madams/sirs. I telephoned the office and said that customers were complaining and needed to speak with him. Minutes later he appeared.

You may now imagine a load of irate parents, randy rugger buggers and crying children recognising the stars of the broadcast. The manager took one look at me as I walked out smiling with my coat on already.

Funny, I never did get paid for that last week of work there.

/apologies for the length, but I enjoyed every minute of it.
(Thu 23rd Feb 2006, 21:52, More)

» Gyms

These things happen to me.
I once had free use of the gym at the educational establishment I worked at. Wasn't the most equipped gym, but the machine room had a cross-trainer, two treadmills, two rowing machines and a handful of bikes of varying antiquity.

Anyway, I used to go with a few people from my office, we'd start with a jog around campus, and on this eventful evening a gent who I was trying to impress who'd just started coming with us was first up on the treadmill. I ended up on the rower, and bided my time until the moment was right and I could get on the treadmill next to him.

The second treadmill was a basic, very old one, with no horizontal bar across. It had moments of unreliability, but to be honest I didn't mind that the best information its tiny LCD gave out was km/h and estimated calories. The other machine gave out heartrate, distance achieved and likelihood of Carole Thatcher incursion.

This particular night, while I was at girly-running full pelt next to him, sweat emerging from every pore and panting like a police dog in Nottinghamshire - the power went off in the gym.

Hunky new bloke described the moment as thus:
"One minute you were running like a spaz, then the lights went really dim, a loud clattering and slapping sound, followed by a thud and when the lights came back on, there was a smear of blood down the wall and you were in a heap in front of your machine."

I broke my nose, glasses and self-respect on that night.
(Thu 9th Jul 2009, 22:56, More)

» Desperate Times

there was a time before broadband..
..when CompuServe national rate calls to Manchester were charged by the minute and use of the World Wide Web was restricted to an hour a month (as you had to use their own bulletin board system).

Me and a friend spent hours (this was over a 9600 baud modem on Win 3.11) downloading tiny GIFs of semi-naked ladies - note: not animated, just static images. If my mate wasn't there it'd be men, too.

I also remember this being an upgrade to "ASCII porn" on the Amiga, [which is an artform to be re-discovered..] especially as a lowly 14 year old storing them all on single sided single density floppies marked "English homework".

Well, it was a time when my only access to anything close to porn was the Littlewoods catalogue.

Length? 3.5"; or 5.25" if you were desperate enough to bother and plug in the serial cable to transfer it
(Thu 15th Nov 2007, 10:22, More)

» World of Random

Midnight Chicken
Spotted Sunday night, on the side of the A6, near Bamber Bridge about 12 midnight while walking home. No labels except for a tag: "Oven Ready Chickens". No idea who they were destined for or where they were from. Click to embiggen.

(Tue 26th Apr 2011, 8:52, More)