» Ignoring Instructions

do not pierce
cans of expanding foam filler bear that legend.

so i put a can between two bricks and hit it with an axe.

you know that scene in the incredibles? where mr. incredible gets all that black goo fired at him and it swells up and engulfs him? well that kinda happened to me and a friend.

ah, youth.

lh
(Fri 5th May 2006, 16:24, More)

» Secret Santa

years ago
i was working for the gov and it was my first 'serious' job. secret santa time came around and i drew so woman in the office. i can't remember what i got her, but i spent over what was the budget for the particular year as everything within budget was shite. we had the grand opening on the day of the staff piss up and i'd had quite a bit to drink before the presents were handed out.

everyone got ok stuff. my turn came about and i got a fresh cream cake. not even a big cake, one of the small ones. with icing sugar on top.
i must have spent about half an hour spouting off about how i was never doing this again, how the person who got me this was a twunt of the highest order and how this working for a living was toss. i may have said a couple of things about how my job was shit and i hated it.


a mate leaned over and said 'open the box'
inside the box was a clutch of hand picked CDs.
bastard.

lh
(Fri 15th Dec 2006, 13:35, More)

» Terrible food

wild food
my wife bought me a weeks course with tv's ray mears. this involved living in a tent, building shelters and lighting fires with bits of stick. excellent fun and a prolly the best present i've ever received.
anyway, ray made us harvest various roots, scraps of leaves and bits of twig - the thing that stood out the most was the root of the bullrush. we had to gather these roots from the bottom of a pond and then roast them on a fire. they tasted exactly like something hauled up from the bottom of a pond a burnt, much to our surprise.
and what did ray and the staff eat while we dined on this? the fucked off home and had a chinese. bastards.
(Fri 18th May 2007, 9:49, More)

» Strict Parents

in defense of parents everywhere....
speaking as a parent i've come to realise that there is no hand book, only a broad set of guidelines - (the main one being, make sure your offspring don't actually die) so..

basically we're winging it. making it up as we go.

if something seems weird or overly strict in years to come, it's because we didn't actually think it through or said it in the heat of the moment. that moment being 'i would like a quiet moment, please don't mess it up.' in extreme cases, when faced with a problem we realy can't figure out the correct rule for, we apply something that happened to us when we were kids. good or bad.
(Fri 9th Mar 2007, 12:05, More)

» Cross Dressing

Accidental
when i was 13 and a metal head we went on holiday to spain with good ole' mum and dad.

before going, we did the obligatory 'buy some holiday clothes' and i picked out a rather natty black shirt with pentacles drawn on it. i thought that it was the shit!

turns out that it was a size 10 blouse. i had this pointed out to me by virtually everyone that i met whilst wearing it.

blouses are definately not the look for emo-esque thirteen year old boys apparently. bitches.
(Mon 19th Mar 2007, 12:29, More)