» School fights

Fights you say?
I do not start fights. I however do finish fights, i am considered a bit of a psycho at my school for many reasons, mostly to do with swords and weapons etc. there are many fights i have been involved in but tonight i shall regale to you the tale of how i became the nutter i am today.

It was on the school bus, upper deck of course (im cool) and an argument ensued with a lad from my primary school, im a resourceful chap and it ended up with me almost snapping his arm in two between some bars he had mistakenly swung for me between, i realised the error of my math, him being 150lbs me being 100lbs at the time, and said i would let go of his arm if he promised not to hit me, otherwise i would break it he said OK. needless to say he knocked the living shite out of me. i was not a happy bunny, i now realise that had i snapped his arm i would have won the fight and that it was my fear that had made me lose. i now live by the idea of having no fear means that there will be nothing to be afraid of resulting in much humorous japery and mirth between me and bullies, in one case a lad tried to draw on my coursework, so i quite happily stabbed him in the hand with a rather chavtastic gel pen which went in up to the bottom of the nib type detachable bit. i fucking loved it, you dont know fun until you have got your revenge in a very over the top way.

my cock is fucking enormous
(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 18:36, More)

» Food sex

Why?!
A friend of a friend was getting a little amorous with a girl one day; all is going well until he reaches into the bedside drawer and discovers that he has run out of rubbers. Ever the resourceful chap he realises that nearby in the bin is a snickers wrapper, a little fiddling with an elastic band and wayhay! back in business. Before long our hero is plugging away at the girl, no doubt with Macgyver nodding approvingly from the tellybox.
(Sun 9th Aug 2009, 23:58, More)

» The passive-aggressive guilt trip

:'(
When i was younger, around 5 years old, on xmas eve my mum used to tell me if i didnt manage to get to sleep before father christmas had done his rounds then there would be no presents for me or my brother and sisters. thing is, i am an insomniac, this coupled with the fact that it is christmas eve, no way in hell will i be asleep any time soon. come 2am and i am near suffocating crying into my pillow, cause santa wont have brought my family pressies.

Scarred for life
(Sun 16th Oct 2005, 22:04, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

my mum is going to hell
there was a neighbouring family in my street who my family had had fallings out with, they where claiming benefits whilst working etc and generally being dicks all the time, ill refer to the father of the family as "Mr.Dickhead"

my mum decided to use some black magic to get rid of them, and my sister decided to help, so they did the ritual (to kill Mr.Dickhead) etc (no chickens were killed) and then they put it out of their minds.

a few weeks later in the local paper, whom should pop up in the obituaries, but Mr.Dickhead, all who knew of mothers doings where in shock and awe, and more than slightly worried that is, until we look out of the window, and there he is, loading some things into the boot of his car. not only did my mum perform some "black magic" but apparently it worked, to an extent, just on the wrong Mr.Dickhead.
(Thu 20th Apr 2006, 19:06, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

Sort of on topic
every night at around 1am to 2am, if im awak hear screaming in the street, like a litle girl it goes sort of like scream scream scream scream, if you get me, and then stops, and noone is outside ever, its pretty weird
(Thu 20th Apr 2006, 18:56, More)