b3ta.com user ELDAR
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» Siblings

Dont force it....
Be gentle with me it's my first post.

My brother (looks somewhat like the milkman) is a great bloke, as kids we were horrid to each other, broken bones were the norm in our house. One evening going back maybe 25 years now, our parents left us for an hour leaving us with a nice big bag of chips to eat. My delightful brother in his young wisdom desides with parents out he would provide entertainment with a "check this out moment". Dropping his trousers and proclaiming check this fart out he strained and squeezed providing not the comedy sound and smell but instead shooting a small brown torpedo from said ass and launching it under the sofa. Histerical laughter then begins, my brother looses his balence and does a perfect front roll right into the chips. So to summerise we have a brown projectile to find under the sofa and a brother smothered in chips with red sause. Took a while before this story was retold to parents as everytime we start to tell it I spend most of the telling crying with laughter at the thought.

Length about 2 inch and it took about 10 mins to find under the sofa.
(Wed 7th Jan 2009, 11:23, More)

» Dad stories

Many shades of wrong!!!
Mum desides she's off out with friends for the evening and we (been younger brother and I) are left in the capable care of our dad !!!!...

"I'll do you both a quick tea" a phrase that brings a shudder even now 25 yeras later..

Egg beans and chips how difficult is that to arse up..

Chips made fresh and quite yummy, beans warm and not the cheap variety, doing well so far.. eggs, cooked nice runny yolks, seem to have a slight crunch within the normal texture and small crispy BITS...

Now most people would think bits of shell maybe or due to dirty oil, or bacon been cooked in same oil....

NOPE !!!!! it's because the silly old sod decided he couldn't find the normal egg flipping spatular and so used the CATLIT scraper from under the sink !!!!!

I will let your own minds diggest the horror of what the small crunchy bits might have been.. It makes me gip just thinking about it...

BUT.. it didn't kill us and the story has been told by both me and my brother to our own kids now and at christmas last year his present was a full set of kitchen utensils which I think still havn't been used as we just don't trust him in the kitchen anymore.
(Fri 26th Nov 2010, 15:35, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Parent !!!!!
My dear mother (mid 50's relativly normal) decided mid conversation with my very worldly younger aunt that "I am right into this teabagging thingy it's great and doesn't cost all that much for the equipment..."

Turns out that teabagging is ALSO an arts and craft type thingy involving paper and glue.

It brings a tear to my eyes and my therapist says it's going to go from my mind soon.
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 16:50, More)