b3ta.com user meagle
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Hello you! Presumably if you're reading this I've just posted a picture on the board, so I hope you liked it.

A little about me; I'm a biology student at Manchester uni, I like rock-climbing, playing music, and getting drunk (not necessarily in that order). I also spend far too much time on the internet, an affliction that seems to affect many poor souls in this day and age.

If you want to get in touch for whatever reason I can probably be found at ben_breakspear [at] hotmail.com.

Anyway I'm sure you didn't come hear to see me drivel on, so have some pics!
Some of my pencil creations:
*not digitally altered - the only thing I changed was the size*

They all look slightly better in the flesh, but nevermind, it'll do!

clicky for bigger

Also, WOO!

Phirey fun:

In an ideal world, AIDS would create kittens, not death :(

Recent front page messages:

Powergen eat your heart out

For optimum use, a diet of beans and sprouts is recommended.
(Thu 16th Mar 2006, 15:50, More)

Best answers to questions:

» I hurt my rude bits

Tales of Juvenile Flatulence
I have always had a problem with my bowels, especially in my younger years. To put it bluntly, my farts were frequent and consistently foul-smelling, a stench not unlike compost, with a few old eggs and a bit of rotten meat thrown in for good measure. It repulsed me, but worse, it repulsed those around me. It got to the point where I was being shunned by my peers and berated by my family and I decided to take matters into my own hands. Without doing any background research (this was several years ago, before we had the internet in my house!) I figured that if I blocked the hole then I would at least temporarily solve the problem, and I could unblock at night to let all the built-up gas exit my body. Both my parents are borderline alcoholics so there were always a lot of empty wine bottles around, and where there are bottles, there are corks! To my pre-teen mind it seemed almost too good to be true - and as it turned out, it was.

The next morning, before school, I took one of the corks and proceeded to insert it into my anus. It was tight, so I lubed up with some vaseline, and to my relief, after a bit of painful pushing, in it slid! It was uncomfortable but not unbearably so, and I got dressed and headed off to school without incident.

When playtime came my friends and I were understandably hyperactive, having sat through a couple of hours of boring lessons, and we quickly initiated a game of tag, the primary school classic! By now the pressure in my colon was mounting but I thought nothing of it and participated as energetically as the rest of the kids. Suddenly though, disaster struck - I had just been tagged and as I was sprinting after my quarry, I felt something slip inside me, and what was perhaps one of the loudest and wettest farts I have ever produced erupted from my sphincter. It truly was a beast of epic proportions, the enormous pressure in my gut forcing out what must have been several liters of methane. All across the playground children stopped and stared as my rumbling dwindled to a soft drone before fading entirely. After a brief round of applause the sheepish grin on my face soon turned to horror as I realised that the cork was not in my underwear as I expected, and after a frantic search of my trouser legs, the sickening conclusion dawned - somehow, as I was running, the cork had actually lodged itself deep inside my rectum.

"No worries", I thought. "It's bound to come out next time I poop!". No such luck. The next few days are but a blur in my memory; I was utterly constipated and my colon was becoming very full, causing me immense abdominal pain. My parents noticed my apparent illness and took me to a doctor, who prescribed laxatives. These served no purpose but to increase the volume of gas I was expelling, without allowing me to pass any solids. I subsequently visited the doctor once more who this time sent me into hospital, where they performed surgery to remove the blockage and buildup. I was under general anaesthetic so I have no recollection, but apparently along with the decomposing cork the surgeons removed over two kilos of fecal matter from my digestive tract. I had fourteen stitches and was forced to use a colostomy bag for two months while the wound healed.

That was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. I still have the scars, both mental and physical.

Since that point I have understandably had a phobia of inserting any foreign object into my anus. I have altered my diet which has assisted the flatulence situation somewhat, but my digestive expulsions are still far from satisfactory. If anybody has any news about a revolutionary product which may soothe my colonic expulsions, such as a drug to inhibit gas production in the gut, please, please inform me post haste! I envy those of you who have healthy bowels and can reap the benefits, but alas, until an alternative solution becomes publically available I must grudgingly bear my pungent burden.
(Sun 16th Jul 2006, 2:19, More)

» Shame

I think this QOTW was really a subtle "Hey guys I got laid" post
and Chthonic wants to leave it up for as long as possible to make sure everyone realises that he did, in fact, have sex.

It's a conspiracy!

edit: no :p

edit #2: Damn you and your tricksy ways!

Mod Edit: Yes, it's true. I did once have sex. It was highly over-rated and I'm not doing it again whatever anyone says.
(Fri 2nd Dec 2005, 0:04, More)

» Fancy Dress

For comic relief a couple of years ago
I went to school dressed like this:

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Full clothes, makeup, etc., even down to the underwear. I even purchased shoes specially for the occasion, as my mum nor any of my friends had any shoes which would fit.

Whilst waiting at the bus stop, the cold breeze around my ol' bollocks was very refreshing, and I recieved a number of appreciative hoots, whistles and comments (mostly derogatory) throughout the day, from pupils and teachers alike.
(The bus driver didn't bat an eyelid though)

By far the best, however, was the kid who passed me in the corridor and loudly exclaimed to his mates, "Eurgh, she looks like a man!"

edit: not relevant at all but Holy Shit I know this man! (4th down on the best of page in last week's QOTW).
Though you missed out the fact that YOU ATE IT AFTERWARDS, you sick cunt.

(Thu 12th Jan 2006, 20:53, More)

» Fire!


(Tue 8th Nov 2005, 18:42, More)

» Fire!

Traffic cones make great flamethrowers.
I don't have any disasterous fire stories, just a bit of firey pyromaniac fun!

After sawing off the top of a traffic cone, we sprayed copious amounts of deodorant and hairspray into the interior, and proceeded to light the thing.

The result was...interesting.
(Thu 3rd Nov 2005, 15:43, More)
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