» Not Losing Your Virginity

Sooooo embarassing
This story is one of infinite shame. Been dating the now Mrs. Savitar, for about a month, and both of us were virgins ( Click "I like this" if you think it's sad that I've slept with no-one but my wife). Anyhoo, after two blowjobs and a handjob ( all three with successful conclusions) she declares "I'm ready, lets do it!". And so with all the eighteen year old vigor I could summon ( Click "I like this" again if you think it's sad that I was 18 before I got laid) I competely failed to get it up. Had to wait another bloody month before I got another crack at her. With great (if somewhat bloody) success. All 12 seconds of it.

The length and the width have never gotten any complaints, but then I'm the only one she's ever had.
(Sat 28th Oct 2006, 2:14, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Ahhh, Alcoholism
Had a bunch of classic drunks at my Junior High School:
Mrs. W., the cooking teacher was an absolute riot. She kept a bottle of 'cooking wine' read: cheap vodka in her desk drawer at all times. She would quietly add it to her coffee throughout class. The best part of it was that due to her need, she was back in the staff room filling up her coffee at least three times in class. Thus we sstudents would supplement our own beverages with the 'cooking wine'. Her defining moment came when one of our 'special needs' students managed to stick a fork in the wiring of one of the stoves, mildly electrocuting himself. She didn't notice anything (despite the screaming) until one of the student came up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. Following this, the stove would short out and spit sparks anytime someone fired up the left rear element. Was the stove removed? the element disabled or repaired? was there a sign put up or at least a verbal warning? Nope. On a side note, I was in the same grade as her daughter and when Mommy went to a clinic to dry out, I was there to move in on her daughter's low self esteem. Score.
(Fri 11th Nov 2005, 7:24, More)

» On the stage

My old man...the BASTARD
My father owns a specialty wine/spirits/beer shop, which I am the general manager for. A couple of months back he was to give a presentation on Single Malt Scotch for the local University Alumni Association. I was to come along and assist with the set-up and the pouring and such. Basically show up,wear a suit, hand out business cards, smile, and get drunk with the caterer later. Fine. My dad gets up to the microphone and says to about 75 people, "Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm feeling a little under the weather, so my son will be conducting the tasting tonight." Fuck.
(Sat 3rd Dec 2005, 4:25, More)

» Going Too Far

Stag party....
Was very pissed when this happened, in fact am very pissed now... Anyhooo, I was at the pub with several of my best mates, at my stag party, a week before my wedding, when I am given a challenge. "A challenge?" I Strongbadishly inquire? "I acccept!" The problem was that the challenge was to drink one of every beer on the pub's menu from A to Z. I remember getting as far as Guinness, I apperently got as far as Maudite. There are some lovely pictures of me passed out in a bathroom stall, and being carried out of the pub. The worst of it is that aour server was very flamingly gay, and I asked him witrh all seriousness "would we get better service if we were better looking men?". The shame runs deep.
(Mon 13th Nov 2006, 7:09, More)

» Have you ever paid for sex?

Vaguely on-topic
Never paid for sex, but my brother and I got hustled at pool by a hooker and her pimp one night. For more money than it would have cost for BOTH of us to enjoy her services for the evening. In hindsight, I should have paid for sex, it would have been cheaper than losing at pool.
(Fri 20th Jan 2006, 22:14, More)