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...I also enjoy long walks on the bea...what? It's not? Oh shi...

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» Worst Nicknames Ever

Know a rather posh girl in my year
Who in real life has 5 names. I'll blank 2 of them, just to cover my ass legally. R****** Elizabeth Holly L*****-Payne is her real name. Then my mate started going out with her. He discovered her full name, and then his dad found out. So, it got boosted to R****** Elizabeth Holly Porpington-Smythe L*****-Payne. And then...we got bored, and added some more. One year later, it currently stands at 21.

R****** Elizabeth Holly Porpington Smythe L*****-Payne Farquar Smith-Wright-Smith-Williamson Ponsonby Poshington Gervais-Brookhamsterson Tressington Floyd Davis Higgins Flockhart Bronson the 3rd.

I can never recite the whole thing fully, only about 60/70% of it. So we sometimes call her that, its usually shortened to what started it all off, Porpington Smythe, or "Porpy". It's truely a miracle of modern science that she doesn't know about it yet.
(Sat 20th May 2006, 17:48, More)

» Teenage Parties

Well, I wasn't actually at this one.
The video of it describes it all though. My mate, back in the day (about 3 months ago), went off to a party basically to get smashed. As was his style. I won't name names, so lets call him "L". L was probably drunk by about 8pm. Everybody else at the party was pissed off with him, so they persuaded him to go for a drive. So 5 of them climb in a car, disappear down some back roads, in the middle of nowhere. When they're far enough away from the party, one of the more sober guys (sat in the middle seat) tells L to get out, because he needs a piss. When L does, they slam the door shut, and drive off leaving him stranded...

Until he reappears about an hour later (or, they went back for him, my memories a little hazy). Anyway, the party continues, and L continues to get pissed, and some other guys take advantage of his drunkeness by trying to shave his eyebrows off. He retaliates by punching one of them, which leads to L getting his nose broken. They've got his eyebrows by this point, and some of his hair.

As far as I know, he's pretty much passed out until about 5am, when he wakes up, (everyone else is too), and goes for a shower to try and wash the blood off. He leaves the door open for everyone to see his manhood (which they caught on film, for some reason), but thats beside the point. He looks in the mirror, and theres the tiniest bit of hair gone from his head. Being still fucked, he thinks its hell...starts shouting at people to sort it out, help him get his hair fixed. Someone gets some scissors. Others get razorblades. Someone ran out to the shed and got a pair of shears...about half an hour later, bloody and bald, he's back out in the middle of nowhere, waiting for the bus to go home.

He got the biggest bollocking you could ever imagine...His hair still hasn't grown back to what it was. Getting there though.
Apologies for crapness...
(Sat 15th Apr 2006, 21:36, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

At a party one night
One of those kids who doesn't really get to parties a lot was there, lived in a remote place, wasn't really fully socialised with the outside world...he got drunk, and decided it would be fun to meditate. On the hosts shed roof.

Me and a mate remembered this in the morning, figured it was so he could be one of those sex gods, who meditate for about a month to hone their sexual powers so they've got the biggest horn ever and can reach the female orgasm before their own.
We still call him Tantra to this day.
(Mon 22nd May 2006, 22:28, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

My PE teacher
gets called the Caramel Man by his rugby team-mates. Why? Because he loves himself so much he could eat himself.

Aside from that, I've got a mate who I call Maurice. Its his middle name, and he insists its pronounced "Morris"...despite being spelt Maurice. We also called him Fatty McBuiscuitBalls for a while, only lasted about 6 days though

Currently, I'm being called Jimmy Carr, because I'm a sarcastic bastard. I hate Jimmy Carr. Also, Ian Hislop, because I'm a popular Political Satirist. And I look like him. Despite having hair...
(Fri 19th May 2006, 8:47, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Worst one I've ever had would be...
...that time everyone started calling me Pornstar. Out playing Manhunt (like an older, cooler, later at night no holds barred version of hide and seek), and I really needed a piss. So, I went for one. And someone happened to look round the corner at the time. I think it must've stuck for about 6-8 months...
(Thu 18th May 2006, 17:32, More)
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