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» Putting the Fun in Funeral

Racing Bengali Hearse drivers
Close relative of ours dies in east London. As its a muslim wedding the funeral has to take place within 24 hours. The family manages to book a funeral director who turned out to be the Bengali equivelent of Dr Strangelove and a French taxi driver.

After the Mosque service, the director decides he didnt want to wait for the mourners so he tried to goto the burial site himself and do the job on his own- he had another 'job' to do. Cue distraught relatives rushing to their cars, scooping anyone who looked like they were in the mosque causing traffic mayhem.

I managed to pick-up some close relatives of the deceased so I had to try and get to the grave before Docteur Strangelove got there. Shouldn't be too hard, he only left 10 minutes before me, and how fast can a hearse actually go?

Answer: About 80mph at least. Thats what the speedo said on my Golf as I recklessly weaved through traffic over the Stratford fly-over. Managed to overtake him and him slow down, but I dont think he liked it as he was honking his horn very angrily.
(Mon 15th May 2006, 21:05, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Train loo
Favourite: on a train from London to Liverpool. The sticker on the loo cistern said "Please do not flush toilet in stations".

Penciled beneath it "Except in Manchester. Down with all Mancs "
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 23:49, More)

» And that's the thanks I got

Living in Norwich.....
...this is all the thanks i got
(Tue 29th May 2007, 20:10, More)

» Fancy Dress

Friends Rock stars themed party:
Usual John Lennon/Oasis lookalikes. Dull dull dull.

I got the bathroom clock and attached a necklace to it. Hey presto- i was Flava Flav. Not as inspired as my friend who wore Tesco value jeans and a tucked in T-shirt. And claimed he was Phil Collins.
(Sun 15th Jan 2006, 18:00, More)

» Council Cunts

Parking Wardens
I got a penalty charge notice today, for not displaying a ticket in a permit parking only area.

Fair enough, my fool. I get the cheque book out, and write out that £50 until I notice that the illiterate fool who issued the ticket put the wrong street on.

This means that the ticket is invalid! Now, should i send a polite letter pointing out their error, or should i do that, and attach a small goatse photo as well?
(Thu 26th Jul 2007, 22:11, More)
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