» Fire!

flaming bosoms
never try and ignite a dodgy hob whilst wearing a dressing gown.

fancying a breakfast fry-up, I turned on the gas, pushed the ignition, didn't work, pushed it again, didn't work, tried again... WHOOOOMPH! the gas finally ignited, along with the front of my dressing gown. I ran round the kitchen shrieking, tits aflame, until I managed to smack the fire out.
(Thu 3rd Nov 2005, 10:24, More)

» I'm glad nobody saw me

Oh god, this is grim
Got back to my car after a long day at work, only to discover that some friendly bird had done an enormous poop on my windscreen, right in the middle of my field of vision.

I had nothing in the car to clean it off with - no water, no tissues, no scraper, nothing. But I couldn't have driven off, I wouldn't have been able to see anything.

So I cleaned it off with my hand.

Then, I reached into my pocket for my car keys. As I pulled them out, I had a bizarre moment of brain-fade and thought "What's that all over my hand?".

So I cheerfully licked my hand.

And then, of course, realised exactly what it was. And then immediately commenced with hacking, gagging and spitting to try and get the bird poop out of my mouth. I am an idiot. An idiot who was lucky not to be ill. An idiot who was also very lucky not to be seen by anyone for doing something so stupid and embarrassing.
(Fri 28th Jan 2011, 18:24, More)

» Housemates from hell

bulimic flatmate
she stole our food, and then puked it up.
that's doubly offensive.
(Thu 5th Apr 2007, 20:06, More)

» Dumb things you've done

Still don't know how I managed this one... still feeling sick thinking about it
Got back to my car after a day at work; and noticed a pigeon had crapped on it.

Got paranoid about it taking the paint off my car... wanted to wipe it off with a tissue, but didn't have any in the car.

As it was reasonably dry, I then decided to rub it off with my hand. (Pretty grim enough...)

Then I got in the car, looked at my hand and thought "what's that mess on my hand?". And then licked it off. And then realised exactly what I'd done.

*shudders*
(Fri 21st Dec 2007, 20:53, More)

» Intense Friendships

bit too close for comfort
coupla years ago I had a super intense friendship with a friend. (I'm female and straight, he's male and gay)

he was really into cybersex and always used to go on about what fun it was and how I should have a go.

I'll try anything once.

so M and I created a male persona for me and I went online. he sat behind me as I typed on the pc. I got chatting to a guy, he got frisky and I got a bit weirded out by the whole thing (well, I found it strange answering questions about my fictional penis. maybe I'm just a bit prim).

anyway, I really started getting uncomfy with the whole idea, and turned round to ask M what I should do.

only to realise that M was happily fwapping away.

eek.
actually, that wasn't the event that ended our friendship but that'll do for now.
(Fri 28th Jul 2006, 13:03, More)