b3ta.com user DumbMonkey
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Profile for DumbMonkey:
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I like stuff.

Recent front page messages:

Sneaky Repost

(Thu 24th Aug 2017, 10:26, More)


(Tue 17th Sep 2013, 9:09, More)


Fuckin MSN groups bah
(Wed 14th Mar 2007, 10:59, More)


(Wed 21st Feb 2007, 12:46, More)


(Fri 27th Aug 2004, 9:57, More)


(Wed 18th Aug 2004, 14:57, More)

There was something not right about chewy

(Thu 5th Sep 2002, 16:07, More)

When George was released back into the wild
he was shunned by the rest of the herd

(Thu 5th Sep 2002, 15:23, More)

Couldnt resist

(Tue 30th Jul 2002, 8:59, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Evil Pranks

My mate Dave was at uni
and him and his flatmate were always playing pranks on each other which were getting progressively worse. One day his flatmate came home after an all day drinking session, absolutely fucked. For a laugh he crept into Daves room, opened his wardrobe and proceeded to carefully spew in everyone single one of Daves shoes, right to the brim.
Next morning, Dave woke up to the sound of his flatmate in some distress, for he had in fact, been in his own room and filled his own shoes to the brim with puke. Genius.
(Wed 19th Dec 2007, 16:00, More)

» Tantrums

When I was younger
I was a very angry kid. One day I was playing Skooldaze 2 on my spectrum, using an old atari joystick (the square one with one red button on the side). I was further in the game than I had ever been, when the joystick started to fuck up. Eric was firing his catapult randomly and sitting down etc. so I was getting told off and ended up getting too many lines and losing the game. I was livid. Absolutely fuming. I ripped the joystick out and started smashing it on the floor. It was however, unyielding as it had a rather thick plastic case. So i took the fucker outside onto the patio and tried to release all my rage by swinging it over my head as hard as I could and hopefully smashing it to tiny pieces. It hit the patio and bounced straight back and hit me square in the forehead. I nearly passed out. So did my brothers who were watching, but that was through laughter.
(Fri 20th Jul 2012, 13:01, More)

» Stupid Tourists

In San Fransisco
outside a nightclub having a smoke, talking to my mate. This American girl comes over and says 'You have the sexiest accent ive ever heard'.
Im from Newport. Nuff said.
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 9:22, More)

» Shoplifting

Working in Asda
We used to hear the glorious announcement over the tannoy 'Service Call 100 to the foyer', which meant some theivin gypo was in the store and it was about to kick off. When this was heard, ten or so blokes would remove their ties and jackets and half-run down to reception, normally to find someone having a dust up with the security guards. Then ten of us would pile on him and do our best to hold the fucker down. This happened one hot day in the middle of summer and some bloke had tried to nick a bottle of whisky. Anyway, he ran at one of us as he tried to flee the store and six of us piled on him. He was seriously strong, but we managed to get him into the security room, which was about 5 feet square and hold him there till the filth turned up. So i was kneeling on the guys back, and the six of us were in a small room with no ventilation and it was fucking boiling in there. After a while, someone said whos farted? Then the stench hit my nose. The tea-leaf had shat his pants, and i was kneeling not 6 inches from his trousers. We had to stay like that for half a fucking hour with that stench before the filth turned up.
(Wed 16th Jan 2008, 10:44, More)

» Personal Hygiene

I was sharing a house with my mate when
another mate asked if he could stay for two weeks. Fine. This turned into three months of him sleeping on the fold-down settee in the living room. I never saw him shower once in three months. The settee covers never got washed. And they fuckin stunk of BO. Almost over powering it was. Another house mate had had enough, and told him if he didnt shower or use deoderant, he couldnt stay. He uttered the immortal lines: No Brut on - No futon.
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 15:22, More)
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