» Useless advice

My dad's bestest!
I live in an area of a large city that is predominately muslim. I was telling Dad how it can be quite intimidating, in the early evening, due to large groups of young lads and their rather suspect idea of how to talk to white females. Dad's solution? Carry bacon with me. Any trouble throw it at them and they'll run away. Yeah sure dad, that or it'll piss them right off and i'll get a good kicking!
(Tue 24th Oct 2006, 12:05, More)

» Pet Stories

Hagar the horrible.
When i was younger we had a yorkie called Hagar. Lovely when he was younger but as he got older he started to live up to his name, lived to be 17 so by the end he was truly horrible. But we still loved him.
Dad lived up north so me, my bros and Hagar would visit in the hols. Driving along the motorway, in Dad's van, I'm in front with the dog on my lap with his head out the window. All of a sudden this greeny white thing flies out of the dogs mouth onto my jeans. On closer inspection it lookekd like a little dog mouth guard. It was actually plaque, would savage you if you tried to clean his teeth so we didn't, and it smelt really 'kin bad. Dad and i are both heaving from the smell and neither of us want to touch it. Hagar turns to see what the fuss is, has a sniff then wolfs it down. I've never seen my Dad go so green!
It's making me feel ill just typing this.
(Mon 11th Jun 2007, 19:57, More)