» Travel

Bates-esque motel in Alexandria Bay
Not that long ago, when our infant son was 3 months old, my boyfriend and I drove down to visit his parents for a few weeks. The drive from Montreal to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania is a long one at the best of times, so we were rather pleased to only have to make 2 stops before arriving a mere 8 hours after our departure, child screaming gaily in his carseat as he was overtired and over hungry. The magical boobs came to the rescue and he soon calmed down.
A quite relaxing fortnight was spent (as much as is possible with a small baby) before we headed back to Canada. Buoyed by the success of our inbound journey we decided to return via a different route - crossing the border close to Kingston (Ontario) and driving back along the 401 to Montreal. Our spawn, however, was not willing to make this trip as pleasant. He slept for 30 minutes before screaming his head off, whereupon we pulled over and I fed him before plopping him back in his seat. Rinse, repeat. The longest stretch we got of him not yelling his head off was maybe 1.5 hours.
Needless to say, we did not get that far. In fact, we started to look for somewhere to spend the night about 25 miles before the border. Our hopes were soon dashed - every hotel in each town we passed through was booked for the night, either due to weddings, sporting events, or music festivals. We eventually make our way to Alexandria Bay, a picturesque little town right on the border, overlooking the river, the Thousand Islands, and Canada.
Since we had our dog with us, we needed a hotel that allowed pets to stay. A map of the area (left in the car years ago by my bf's Mum) showed 4 such establishments. We drove to the first, looked pretty nice, only $100/night, but all the pet-friendly rooms were booked. Next place, bit of a dive, but so what. Nope, all booked. On to the third. From a mile away we could hear loud music and the loud sputtering purr of motorbikes. It seemed to be home to some sort of biking convention, but the owner was super-friendly, Sadly she told us that the last room got booked over the phone 10 minutes before our arrival.
There was one more place on the list. She said she was not sure Pine Tree Point Resort was even still open, but we could call them to check if they were and if they had a room. So we ring. The woman who picks up says they have one room vacant and it'll be $200 (incl pet fee - for cleaning costs). It is a superior room, hence the extra price, but it is the only one left. We give our credit card number and off we go.
We drive some ways and then we enter the property. There is a large driveway winding through unkempt trees...Upon arrival, even knowing we'd have to drive for at least 20-30 minutes more with a screaming baby in order to reach the next town, (which may not have any rooms free), we almost decided to turn back, and this was without seeing the room.
We had made a terrible mistake - by staying. Pine Tree Point Resort was once amazing, but the only amazing thing about it was that they had enough money to pay someone to work the front desk. It is a dilapidated, cobweb-ridden, desolate, forgotten, and scary place. Not the kind of place you want to stay, let alone with a young baby. However, we did not have much choice now, having paid a ridiculous sum of money for a piece of crap room. Apparently all the other areas of the 'resort' were under renovation, hence us having to stay in the most expensive area.
Admittedly, we were on the water. Okay, the air conditioner worked. And fair enough, the receptionist gave us coffee and tea for the room 'for free' instead of charging us the $1 for it. Seeing as we had paid an astronomical sum of money for a room I was scared of being left alone in in case someone came and killed me, with musty bed linen, a bathroom that made your skin crawl (complete with bottle opener on the inside of the door), and the oldest TV known to man (on the bright side it at least worked). The 'resort' is far from town and has no amenities, unless you count the unopen pool, the dining room 'under renovation', the rain-soaked outdoor pool table, the day spa in a wooden shack that looks like it is full of spiders and mosquitoes, and the rust-ridden SUV in the car park with flat tyres.
Our son woke up 4 times that night. When he woke for the fifth time, at 3:50am, we decided to leave as fast as we could. I wish we had just lain down in the back of the car with the dog and our suitcases.
(Sat 20th Apr 2013, 2:27, More)

» The B3TA Detective Agency

Star Wars...
For the longest time I was sure that Luke Skywalker was battling with a light saver. In my mind it was a light saver because used correctly, it could save your life.
At a much later date (okay, I was probably 23 when I figured it out), I laughed at someone for calling it a lightsaber. How that joke turned as it dawned on me that I had been wrong all along.
(Sat 15th Oct 2011, 3:16, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

drunkenness and poles
About a week before moving to Canada, I decided to go out and get drunk with my sister and friends on a pub crawl. A fair few vodkas and whatevers later, I was walking home with a friend and had an urge to go running in the fields; so decided to jump over a gate and get to it.
It was pitch black and I was drunk, so climbed the fence but didn't even thinking of looking before I jumped. I met the most excruciating pain ever and cried out, toppling off a nasty metal pole to the ground. Yes , I had managed to virtually impale myself on some rusty pole. I looked down and blood was seeping through my trousers.
My poor friend (a guy, bless him), carried me back to a friends house where I wincingly looked at the damage in the bathroom and promptly decided I should go to hospital. Luckily it hadn't truly impaled me, just made a rather large cut in one of my 'other' lips.
(Sun 16th Jul 2006, 13:51, More)

» Sacked

Sackings
Imagine my surprise when my boss (who I was rather attracted to and had been having an affair with) told me he needed to have a private meeting with me. "Yipppee" I thought rather prematurely. We went into a meeting room and some bint from HR told me they had to "terminate my contract" cos my work wasn't up to par. Consolation was that I didn't like the job anyway and boss looked like he was gonna cry during the whole thing. I had to be escorted out of the building like some criminal, but left laughing.
As for my work, it seems I made 3 typos and missed out two spaces in documents...in three months. What a terrible track record - nob-ends!!
(Fri 24th Feb 2006, 18:02, More)