» Missing body parts

pilonidal cyst
I am yet another poor bugger who has suffered from a pilonidal cyst on the top of my arse crack. Thought i had dislocated my tail bone for a while until it burst on my sofa and the liquid that was released was the most foul smelling thing ever. I feel sorry for the poor surgeon who had to sort it out and drain off what remained.

Also had to get a new sofa as the old one reaked no matter how much it was cleaned.

Kinda related as i lost fluid
(Fri 2nd Jun 2006, 13:10, More)

» Awesome Sickies

suprised i was sick
Was drinking in the pub with my mates before my shift at work and the whole time they were trying to persuade me to take a sickie so i could watch the football with them.

I said i would think about it to shut them up knowing im a pussy and would go in. While i went to the loo they called my boss and said i couldnt make it in as i had a cold because they were sure i would agree to them.

Finally i leave and head to work, as i get there im greeted with a 'i thought you were ill i managed to get a replacement for you'.

Smelling my breath she asked if i had been drinking, the first thing i thought to say was 'its probably the cough medicine you can smell' and got away with it too.

So with every time im asked to skive i feel i had better do it just in case.
(Fri 9th Jun 2006, 15:19, More)

» Teenage Parties

a bloody mess
A few years ago when me and my mates were still at college we used to get together at my parents house for small parties drinking and the like as my parents didnt care what we got up to and the house was big enough that we didnt usually disturb them.

This one time we had popped to tesco before and ended up buying loads of beer and some really really cheap white labelled vodka.

As we got into the night watching football and drinking beer, we noticed that the supply of beer was getting smaller and smaller so we thought that it was time to try the nasty looking vodka. after a couple of glasses of that i have no memory until i woke up and saw a massive bloody splat on the wall and blood drips on the floor, a fridge tray full of vomit , and a blood crusted mate.

Ive been told that during the night a friend needed the loo and walked to what he thought was the door which infact was opposite to where he was heading and he tripped and smashed his head hard into the wall. someone else woke up and saw this and blood splattered guy said he wasnt feeling too well so the first thing that was found was the fridge tray for him (even though there are huge holes in the bottom).

Then everyone went back to bed.

The next day when we found out what had happened we had to shoot off to casualty while leaving my mum to clean the bloody and mess up.
(Wed 19th Apr 2006, 11:13, More)

» School fights

primary school again
When at primary school, was playing british bulldog with the year below and one of the little runts didnt like a move i made and started to jab at me so i clocked him one in the nose which seemed to explode and he fell on the floor.

After this everyone was going on about his brother in the same year as me who i didnt know about and saying he was going to get me. for the rest of that brake and until lunch i was worried about what was going to happen to me.

Lunch time and the brother comes up to me and since i had had some crazy growth spurt i was bigger than him so i just shoved him over and walked off. Nothing was ever mentioned about it again.
(Wed 15th Mar 2006, 15:56, More)

» School fights

Just a quickie
While at primary school me and a mate were kicking a ball around in afternoon break when a couple of lads from the year above come along and take said ball. My mate wimpers away but me being tiny and strangely full of confidence walks over to them.

The usual game of piggy in the middle starts after a couple of turns i get tired so decide to charge at one of them who quickly throws the ball to his mate. A look of shock comes on his face as i continue to run at him and then kick him in the nuts as hard as i can. One down and i chase the other round the play ground until he drops the ball. The only way out of piggy in the middle if your the shortest person involved.

Just wish i had the length to try that kinda thing nowadays.
(Mon 13th Mar 2006, 14:17, More)