» Crap meals out

Vegetarian Pizza
In Madeira one Christmas, feeling a bit homesick and wanting something familiar, I thought I'd have a pizza at one of the many "italian" restaurants in evidence. I ordered a vegetarian pizza. But what was this? It seems the chef had boiled up some onion, carrots and peas and poured them (in their cooking water) over a pizza base - no tomato, no cheese, wet and tasteless. But no arguments - it was vegetarian.

I thought it was just Portuguese cooking, but then this year in France I had almost the same experience. Dining in Nice, I ordered a veggie pizza from the menu. The chef this time just tipped some ratatouile over a base, no cheese. Disgusting but unarguably a veggie pizza (vegan probably).
(Tue 2nd May 2006, 17:48, More)

» Not having sex

straight out of a porn flick
Every time I visited the pizza place, I'd joke with the delivery boys, both of whom were 'jock' types and wouldn't have looked out of place in a Calvin Klein advert. I never for the life of me imagined that I had a chance, or that they were anything other than straight. Then, one evening, I ordered a delivery and the cute blond winked at me and said, "If you give me a bigger tip, I could slip you some meat with the next one..."

"No thanks, I'm vegetarian," I said, and closed my door.

Five minutes later I was groaning and I still wince about it ten years later. He was gorgeous. I never saw him again. His Uncle, who owns the place, will only say that he "fell in with a bad crowd".
(Sat 24th May 2014, 12:59, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Passive agressive chemistry
Mr Powell, our Chemistry teacher, who knew better than to let us do any of the more dangerous practicals (chlorine, explosives etc), so would demo them for the class. Only odd thing is that he would erect the safety screen around his table so that HE was protected and all of us would be exposed.... hmmmm.
(Thu 10th Nov 2005, 1:39, More)