b3ta.com user sabre-tooth monkey
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» Absolute Power

I should never have stolen the car.
But the judge was quite lenient, suggesting an Anti Social Behaviour Order was required, and I should go and help out in the community music centre.

A young man with an electric lute was trying to cover "China in your Hand", but couldn't get the sound right. I suggested a few effects might be in order, and after a bit of fiddling, it all came out pretty well, which shows you the importance of Asbo Lute T'Pau Wah. Or Chorus at least.

The concert that evening was a great success, aside from being entirely fictitious.
(Fri 9th Jul 2010, 13:06, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome II

Don't mention the war!
A German student had come over to our office to learn more about the (German-owned) business. She'd been helping out with documenting something or other, and had asked me to check her English. I corrected a few things, and then got to some error or other that was very minor. I explained "Not wanting to be a grammar Nazi or anything, but...", then realised that probably wasn't the best choice of words. I continued to blather on, and to be honest, she probably thought nothing of it. Still, I felt like a bit of a prick. Nothing new there though.

tl;dr? I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it.
(Thu 16th Aug 2012, 15:51, More)

» Redundant technology

I had this DJ console in Australia
Straight out of the 50s. I'm amazed it still powered up to be honest. Some friends of mine were organising a party at their convent (nuns have fun too you know) and wanted me to do the music. So I took this thing along, but it wasn't running right.

"That's alright", said the Mother Superior, "Why not hook it up to this thing?" She showed me their generator, which was powered by a colossal insect colony. Amazingly that did the trick, and the nuns danced all night to 2unlimited, while a camera crew filmed the whole thing for an ABC documentary on religious orders in contemporary society.

It won an award at the Logies that year. It was something of a Red Ant Nun Techno Logie.
(Mon 8th Nov 2010, 15:03, More)

» Flirting

I was hanging around at art college, chatting to some girl
and she was whining on about how rich her dad was. So I said, buy us a drink then.

Then before I knew it she said "You look pretty poor - shag me". For some reason, this wasn't enough of a green light for me, so I took her to Tescos and spent half an hour telling her how miserable everyone looked, and to shut up about her dad. She just laughed and said "you're so funny".

(Fri 19th Feb 2010, 9:56, More)

» Greed

I saw one of these over the weekenb.

(Mon 18th Apr 2011, 12:50, More)
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