b3ta.com user pinkois
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» Spoooky Coincidence

excellent, i get to tell my ace story
Firstly, some cunt i once told this story to said he liked it so much he was going to start telling it as his own, so if it appears again, then its mine not his, and if you're reading this rougepath, yes i mean YOU

About 15 years ago as a wee lass my family moved into a new house, the previous occupants having been a young family also. During the move our piano got a bit bashed about so my dad got a piano tuner in. The piano tuner arrived and got down to it. Whatever IT is.

Anyhoo, once he was done the money changed hands and the piano tuner enquired about what had happened to the old lady who lived in our house? My dad said there is no old lady, and the people who lived in the house before us were a family too with no old lady in tow. The piano tuner said that is very odd because i have tuned this piano before, in this room and an old lady lived here... Upon investigation the piano tuner and my dad found the piano tuner's rather dusty and yellowed card down inside the depths of the instrument...

Turns out that an old lady had lived in the house before the other family... she had once owned our piano but when she had moved had sold it to a second hand shop, whereupon my dad had purchased said piano. A few years later we had also purchased her old house, and placed the piano in exactly the same position!

I love telling that story
(Sat 10th Feb 2007, 8:40, More)

» Bodge Jobs

Sort of on topic
This QOTW reminds me of a small misadventure of mine about three of four years ago. Picture the scene: Me and my other half just bought a new house, it's the pits a real 'doer-upper', needs shitloads of work. One Friday afternoon finds me painting the bathroom walls. No-one else is in the house (I cant remember why I didnt have a proper job at the time). Anyhoo, ours is the sort of bathroom with no windows, just a vent thing, so to counteract the paint fumes I had opened all the windows in the upstairs of the house. One huge gust of wind and the bathroom door slams shut, with me inside. Oh, and no door handle on the door, as these hadnt been fitted yet. Balls, think I, I'm bloody stuck here. I didnt have my phone and as i said, there are no windows to summon help from. I banged on the wall incase my neighbour was in, and tried shouting Help for a bit through the vent hole in the wall. No joy. I tried to break the door down, it was surprisingly resilient, not like in the movies. I started to feel quite claustrophobic, and as I was painting the room dark red it probably made me feel like i was in the womb or something. I digress. After about an hour drifting between blind panic (no-one due home for hours) and chilled relaxation (paint fumes) I decided action was required and resolved to escape from the room, A team style. Raiding the only possible source (bathroom cabinet) for potential escape tools I had laid before me my toothbrush, a sponge, a soap dish, some dental floss, a few tubes of various cream, and some cotton wool buds. Using all my ingeniuity I carefully fashioned myself a 'key', which when stuck in the hole where a door knob should be, would turn the catch and grant me freedom! The tool was a work of art, 5 cotton buds, loosely 'glued' together with bonjela and tied firmly with dental floss, and it bloody worked!
On freeing myself, I rang everyone I thought might care and told them my tale. Not one person failed to complete piss themselves laughing, and I was the toast of my friends' offices for the rest of the day
(Fri 11th Mar 2011, 21:52, More)

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

...we're in the big long black car, just pulled up to my grandpa's funeral, me, my mum, my brother, along with my grandpa's brother, Uncle Fred. A sombre moment. Quite a big crowd is outside the church, awaiting our arrival. I remember their sad, sympathetic faces still. We all look at each other... it is time to get out of the car and make our way in.... Except for one problem. Uncle Fred's seatbelt has got jammed somehow.... And what better way was there for him to mark the moment than by breaking into a rousing rendition of the Engelbert Humperdinck classic "Please Release Me, Let Me Go" at the top of his voice. I'll never forget the look on the other mourners faces as we all just sat there in the car pissing ourselves laughing, while old Uncle Fred was rescued still crooning like a good'un.

Hilarious at the time although I could never watch the Fast Show without remembering my grandpa's funeral after that.
(Thu 11th May 2006, 21:56, More)

» Phobias

I've got a real problem with people on stilts. I realised this about 8 years ago when I was in an upstairs room and saw a mans head bobbing by the window and it gave me the heebee jeebees but its not just seeing them from windows, I feel terrible standing near them. I hate carnivals. Theres always one of the creepy fuckers stalking about.

I dont like all stilts, but the worst are ones where the persons stick legs are covered in long red and white stripey trousers, aaaaggggghhhhh. I've got goosebumps.

Since discovering this phobia some friends started calling me Stilts. Now I have to explain the stilts thing all the time, resulting in stilt picture emails when i least expect them
(Tue 15th Apr 2008, 18:56, More)

» Urban Legends

Is jamie lee curtis not really a hermaphrodite then?
(Wed 11th Jan 2006, 15:08, More)
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