» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Pete Sickyman
Now as I said in an earlier post, my group of friends are classed in two groups. Pissheads and Stoners.

Sat in a garden several years ago, during a brilliant summer party. Things are winding down and its around 3am. The stoners were stoned, the pissheads were pissed. All was calm and chilled.

Iain, our trusty 'never had a good trip on anything' friend has pulled a whitey. I think he went beyond that, he had gone gray, then green at this point.

Now I am incredibly drunk at the point when Iain opens his eyes. He just stares at me and starts chanting something at me. Feeling a little freaked out by the insane look in his bloodshot eyes I slowly make my way to the back gate (fnar) down the entry (tehehe).

Dave senses the bad vibes coming from iain and headsto the exit as well. The gates locked, as we turn to go and get a key, we find ourselves trapped. Iain is marching towards us like a zombie, projectile vomiting all over the show. Moaning as he takes every step. I'll admit, I feared for my life. We began to kick a couple of the bins towards him to slow him down, going as far to hitting im (with great force I might add) with garden canes.

He's wailing, neighbours lights are flicking on as he moans and begins to screech 'PETE SICKYMAN, PETEEE SICKYMAAAAAAAAAN'. Who Pete Sickyman is, I don't know. Maybe the less successful and rather ill brother of pete waterman. As we were frantically trying to open the gate he was screaming 'PUSHY PULL MAN, PUSHY PULL'.

In the end we made our escape by climbing over the 8ft gate, or falling over it. All we could here was depleted moans, sounding almost disapointed inbetween vomiting 'mmmmmmm aaa pete sickBARF, chunder man ooooooo'.

You will be glad to hear that friends reported he was fine after we made our escape. He just pissed all over his kitchen. Then made toast with piss allover his hands. Then threatened people who wouldn't eat his piss covered toast. And woke several people up by sitting cross legged infront of them, stroking a cat like a bond vilan and chanting curses at them.

Toodle pip.
(Tue 20th Dec 2005, 10:53, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Giant Jack
Last one, I think.

Iain, again, had pulled a whitey. He looked grim. The rest of us fuelled by trusty legal alcohol decide to draw on his face, put plant pots on his head, pour cider onto his crotch, the usual drunken antics you do to unfortunate passed out friends.

All of us took it in turns to simulate dry humping for many funny pictures, oh how funny that seemed when your drunk. Now I must point out that I was wearing a jack daniels shirt. Black silk shirt with a massive jack daniels label on the front and back. Extremley tacky yes!

As I begin to pretend to hump Iain, he wakes. No, he doesnt wake to see one of his close friends girating away whilst his other friends laugh.

No, Iain awakes to a giant 6ft jack daniels bottle humping his leg. I have never seen a look of terror on anyone like it before.

Too this day he really (and this is 100% fact) can't drink jack daniels anymore.

Good thing is, he has cut down on the weed so stops having whiteys and passing out!
(Tue 20th Dec 2005, 11:03, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

He didn't see that coming!
Long time lurker, first time poster.

Now as we all know, in a group of friends you have the stoners, and the pissheads. My friend and I were sat in a room with 5 other friends who decided after smoking much weed to take some shrooms.

My friend and I decline the offer, fearing that the much alcohol we have consumed would lead to a bad trip, hey, we are pissheads, we have very little knowledge of drugs.

An hour to two hours pass and a couple of my friends are acting stranger than usual. Telling us how amazing their trip is. Now our friend Iain, as he was named from birth, was sat being a bit quiet, but with a smile on his face, he usually has bad trips, and this once, just once he was having a nice trip.

Too the corner of my eye I see Dave giving me that look, the knowing look, the look I love. Some of you may confuse this as a gay look, but i know it is the look of 'wait til you see what I am going to do'. It's glorious, when that look arrives, you know he is either going to say something incredibly distasteful, or do something mental.

The excitement built as Dave just shouts over 'Iain, why are those demons behind you trying to get you?'. A beer foutain errupts from my nostrils as Iains grin suddenly turns to great fear.

3 hours of screaming, hiding under tables, shouts of 'i didn't want to kill him' (he thought he had killed his own brother despite the fact he was sat 6ft away with a simpleton grin on his face'). It was pure entertainment.

Sorry not for the length, just for the fact I have my nob out.
(Tue 20th Dec 2005, 10:29, More)