b3ta.com user Chicken Skin Bag
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» Ignoring Instructions

During my first few years of childhood - I had a lot of fun with cats.

I was always bollocked for doing things with cats. I remember one bizzare incident when I was about 7 and at the vets with my mum and our tortoise-shell. The vet stuck something up the cats arse... Amused, I asked mother what it was - 'a thermometer' was the response. Intrigued, I pushed it in right to the tip. Oh the joy of watching the vet struggle to get this thing out of the cats starfish. The cat was none too impressed either.

Anyway, onto a different cat and a few months on. Cat is stuck in my room. I have a pair of scissors. Hmmmm. What to do. I remember a few weeks earlier asking my mum what the cat used it's whiskers for. I was told it was so they could feel their way through dark places and balance (spatial awareness for us nerds. SNIP. Off they come.

Cue mother coming home to see strange looking cat. She couldn't quite figure out what was wrong.....oh, hang on, cat doesnt have whiskers. Odd. Even top whiskers near eyebrows have gone.......'Who's chopped off the cats whiskers??' Reply = 'Not me'..... Mother proceeds to go into my room and finds scissors and a pile of neatly laid out whiskers under bed. Has to get dad to bollock me as she's laughing so much.

I love cats now, but back then it was rather amusing to do these sorts of things to them. Especially when you're told not too!!
(Thu 4th May 2006, 17:26, More)

» Debt pron

Current Financial Situation = Fucked up
I've been stupid with my money - I'm 22 and have 1 grand of debt for every year I've been alive - which is a pretty hefty sum for someone living in Wales (where wages do not increase with inflation!!!)

I've been running from my creditors for the past 3 years and have finally got an attachment of earnings order (the bit after a CCJ where they take directly from your wages) - for £90 a month which ain't too bad on a 12.5k loan (the fuckers gave me a 12.5k loan when I was 19 (coz I lied and told them I was earning 18k as a security guard!)

Anyway, being somewhat near desperation last year I took out a credit card with a company called 'Vanquis'. For anyone who hasn't heard of this company - you start off with a £250 credit limit and pay about 60% APR on purchase transactions. Cracking Deal!!. Advice - NOT WORTH THE HASSLE

This year - even worse scenario - car breaks down and have to put up with a 2.5hr bus journey one way (Wales remember) to get to work. Need some quick cash to fix car. Apply for a loan. Company offers me 5k over 5 years at 15% - which is reasonable for someone with my credit history. I cough up an £80 admin fee - they then tell me that they can only offer me 2k over 3yrs at.....55%apr!!! wooo. I had nowhere else to go (lack of family) so I took the offer (and went to financial ombudsman and asked them about the initial offer and final offer and the fee - which I was told was highly illegal and breach of FSA rules but I can't be arsed chasing £80 at the moment). Anyway, I've ran out of money again, and this loan company - Welcome Finance - charge you £5.00 every time they have to phone you or send you a letter! Twunts.

I've gone to the CCCS (Consumer Credit Counselling Service) and they've been really helpful - I was with a debt management company before them called Harrington Brooks / Allclear Finance - they were total shits - took 17.5% cut and fucked up all the paperwork.

CCCS do it for free and come up with a plan for you - they do all the work coz it's a charity - and it's all free.

Ideally, I'd go bankrupt (a hell of a thing at 22) - it's my fault I'm in this position - I don't deny it - it's my fault I blew the cash on boozing at 18, and keeping up with the trends, clothes, nice food, technology all that shit - and I know I'm in a much better position than someone who was forced to go into debt simply by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

However, the credit companies make it too easy for you - it's too tempting - I mean if I could get a loan at 12.5k from a high street bank at when I was 19 - who else are they doing it too?

I wanted a 3k loan back then, and they instantly said I can have up to 12.5k - it wasn't me going back and asking for a bigger loan. It was there on a plate. I was out of work and had been chucked out by my parents - it was the only thing I could do to afford to live.

Again, I would go bankrupt but I can't - I'm doing my accounting qualifications at the moment so I can maybe one day become chartered (you cant become chartered with a bankruptcy order against your name).....

so I'll just plod on - paying my debts back at the most I can afford (fuck all at the moment) - and hope that one day I'll get that high paying job where I can clear my debts within 3 months of working, rather than the 15 years it's gonna take me at the moment.

Or I'll leave the country! (not such a bad idea seeing the way the country's going at the mo!)

Apologies for length - But at least I can see it going in.
(Mon 27th Nov 2006, 16:33, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Freudian slip and slide...
I work in a tech support centre blabbing on to all sorts of foreigners and brits alike to find out the best way to resolve their computery fluck ups.

The best conversations usually involve hardware issues and quite often I find myself talking to Aussie women (mmmmm). Unfortunately, all my innuendo tends to spill at when talking to blokes which just makes it a hell of a lot worse (as I'm also a bloke).

I usually manage an accidental innuendo at least once a week and it usually goes something like this:

'It's the thick black one'
'Push it all the way in'
'Is it nice and tight?'
'Pull it out and and push it back in again'
(kettle lead)

Obviously colleagues are in stitches by the first bit and I quite often have snot blasting out of at least one of my many orrifices from failed attempts at stifleing my laughter.

I also managed another one earlier today - customer was giving me e-mail address, I went on to say 'That's a long one' AND 'it's a bit of a mouthful' in the same sentence!

Oh yes
(Sat 14th Jun 2008, 23:59, More)

» Dentists

My Dentist is called .....DR GASH
I keep telling him he's in the wrong profession.

/ The cunt.

(Mon 6th Nov 2006, 10:15, More)

» Panic Buying

Very skint one x-mas - had no ideas what to get my mum. Bought her a solid glass...... ASHTRAY from the quid shop. She still hasn't forgiven me and it's been 13 years.

She still uses it mind you.
(Wed 4th Jan 2006, 9:27, More)
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