b3ta.com user The Sun King
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» Heckles

Spiderman heckle
For some reason I went to see the first Spiderman film when it came out a few years back. At the end when he turns the girl down for whatever reason (not that memorable a film, really) some guy in the audience took exception to the rejection and shouted out "Homo!"

Not desperately witty perhaps but still, made me laugh and it's the only thing I remember from the film.
(Fri 7th Apr 2006, 11:34, More)

» Missing body parts

My girlfriend
grew up in Mexico where it seems they are quite relaxed about young children playing with sharp things.

When she was about 4 she was playing with a machete with her cousin, who swung it and sliced her open just below the ear.

A few years later, helping an aunt grind cinnamon she got her finger caught in the mill. The aunt was an amateur nurse and cleaned it up a bit. Now well enough it seems as when her Mum checked it a few days later the finger had turned black. Apparently it was verging on gangrenous and almost had to be amputated.

Finally, aged 14, she decided she wanted to open a coconut so, naturally, went and got her uncle's machete. Whack! End of her thumb left dangling.

How she still has a full complement of digits I don't know.
(Fri 2nd Jun 2006, 13:25, More)

» Crap meals out

On holiday in Greece with the family a few years back we were eating at an outdoor restaurant one night when I discovered a live cockroach wandering around my plate.

I called the waiter over to point it out and in broken English he explained that it must have just fallen out of a tree. Despite the distinct lack of trees in the vicinity I accepted his argument, flicked the cockroach at my brother and carried on eating.

Well, you can't let souvlaki go to waste can you?
(Wed 3rd May 2006, 20:18, More)

» Heckles

Topical heckle
As you may be aware there's been a whole load of striking and protesting bollocks going on in France lately as the government tries to inflict the real world upon France.

Part of this has seen my university (along with most in France) blocaded by students under the impression that the government will be forced to cave in to their demands due to the immense pressure that not going to lectures undoubtedly inflicts. Or so goes their reasoning.

Anyhow, after big protests and strikes the government has backed down so logically the protests should come to an end. Not according to some. To end the blocade we had to hold a vote before which lots of impassioned speeches were made.

One guy was arguing that we had to carry on with the blocade because people are starving in Africa. Seeing this as completely irrelavent I shouted out (in English)

"what the fuck has that got to do with anything you stupid cunt?"

The speaker didn't hear me and I got a few odd looks from people around but it made me feel better at least.

Mes excuses pour longeur, corpulence etc as they might say here.

Edit: The vote went in favour of ending the blocade. The children of Africa will remain hungry.
(Wed 12th Apr 2006, 14:19, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

An ex-navy physics teacher
who was an absolute control freak and seemed to be convinced he was still in the navy.

One time he put our entire class in lunch-time detention for some reason and when told we would need passes for early lunches before said detention wrote a note "To the galley staff". Priceless. On other occasions his punishments involved press-ups ("Get down and give me 20")

Oh, and before parents' evening I had warned my Mum of his navy origins so when he started by saying "I run a tight ship" she burst out laughing. Nice one, Mum.
(Fri 11th Nov 2005, 21:14, More)
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