b3ta.com user middleofnowhere
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» Failed

Should have been a failure
"Just pull in to the side of the road". Ok. Bump Bump. Two wheels up onto the pavement, then off again, coming to a stop “fairly” near the curb. Still went through with the rest of the test, it was actually nice and relaxing knowing I'd failed.

At the end of the test I got “Mr Nowhere, I’m please to tell you you’ve passed”. Ok, well I wasn’t going to argue but was something going on here?

Earlier, while sat in the waiting room with the other victims and all our driving instructors, the examiners entered and greeted each learner with a curt “Morning Mr Soandso I shall be your examiner today”. When it got to my turn tho they ignored me and addressed my instructor with: “Awright Dave! He one of your’s then?” Turned out he’d worked there until about a year before and was still drinking buddies with them. Had wondered why he was so keen that I ask for a test at that particular centre.

Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Oh, and as far as failure goes, does failing to be interesting or amusing count? Guilty again.
(Fri 5th Jan 2007, 13:32, More)

» Personal Hygiene

Very sweaty
A woman I used to work with had a problem with excessive sweating, the odd thing was that it was only from one of her armpits. On a hot day she would have a large sweat patch under her right arm but nothing on the other side (she also always wore long sleeve tops but that’s a different story).

The smell tho was fantastic, no really, gave me the raging horn, well it was fresh sweat, she did keep herself clean. It may have been cos I fancied her rotten that I liked the smell, or perhaps it’s her pheromones that made me fancy her, either way her brick shithouse of a husband was never going to let me investigate further.

As for me, I’m a stinker. One friend always runs me a bath when I go round to visit.
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 15:45, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

shrooms in the park
Student days, load of shrooms, walk in the park...

See a flying police car, no not a helicopter, ordinary police car just it happens to be flying. Not what one normally comes across when strolling on Glasgow Green. So, after being battered by waves of paranoia and confusion for an indeterminate length of time, I decide that the best course of action is ignore it and not tell any of my co-trippers what I may or may not be seeing. Best not to worry them, or let them know I'd dropped through one of those gaps in reality. I check back every so often as we wander on to find it still following us. Eventually (or 2 seconds later, you can never be sure of timings) it's gone. On with the adventure, the usual shenanigans on return to the flat, rolling around on the floor, listening to crap music and thinking its wonderful. As normality resumes one of our group pipes up with "that was a heavy one, for a while I thought we were being followed by a flying police car!". "did you see that as well, I thought it was just me " sez another. Turns out we'd all seen it but didn't want to mention it at the time.

Half a dozen people seeing the same thing usually means it's real, so group hallucination, or Strathclyde Police special anti drugs weapon? Guess we'll never know.
(Sat 17th Dec 2005, 13:57, More)

» Mix Tapes

John Peel
Have we made it this far through the week without anyone mentioning taping the festive fifty? That was the highlight of my year when I was a miserable teenager.

*shuffles off back to student bedsit*
(Mon 11th Feb 2008, 18:55, More)