» Useless advice

Snake
I remember years ago, about 9 years old, playing Chronicles of the Sword on the playstation. Pretty standard "point and click" type of game, but bloody difficult. Anyway, Id gotten to the evil island, was standing on the beach, and there was a huge, 100 feet long rattlesnake hanging from a cliff. "Talk to the snake" suggests my brother. I then watch 5 hours work go down the drain as Gallahad is eaten, game fucking over. There wasnt even any fancy music or anything, it just leaned down and ate me.

Still, I suppose it was my fault for being stupid enough to listen to such a ridiculous piece of advice. The words "Talk to the snake" are now synonymous between me and my brother for completely pointless and dangerous ideas.
(Thu 19th Oct 2006, 19:54, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

a few good ones
On a toilet wall "The east shall succeed", altered to "The yeast shall succeed"

One alleged case where, on a BA poster promising "Have your breakfast in London and your Lunch in New York" someone had added "And your luggage in Hong Kong"

And a slightly odd one on a desk at school, "We hate Ghana, we do"
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 20:49, More)

» The Worst Journey in the World

Dont go to Seven Sisters
Couple of weeks back, me and a couple of mates went to a warehouse in Seven Sisters for Fuck Reading- a two day punk festival for everyone too poor or lazy to attend the real Reading festival. I brought along some of the bolivian marching powder and bought a few pills off some friendly men inside, and had a merry old time. I live in West London meself, and Seven Sisters is north east.
I can honestly say it is the worst place I have been in a long long time. Look up the definition of Ghetto, and youll find a picture of the place. The residents go to Calcutta to get some relief from crime; or they would if they could afford it.
Anyhow, I boarded the night bus at 5 in the morning on the worst comedown of my life, praying for rest.
Then I hear shouting from the bottom deck; then some more shouting; then the fucking bus door gets kicked in, shatters all over the place. Turns out some twat had been trying to rob about 50p from the bit where you put your money down for a ticket, driver told him to fuck off, he took offense and kicked in the door, before legging it down the road.
Cue waiting in Finsbury park for another bus, then got another, then another, then finally got home 2 and a half hours after I had left the gig, feeling wretched and praying for respite.
Theres nothing quite like that feeling standing at bus stop as the sun starts coming up, freezing your bollocks off and watching normal people going to work.

First post by the way
Be gentle
(Thu 7th Sep 2006, 21:07, More)

» Insults

Reviews
Some of the best insults seem to come from film critics. My personal favourite was aimed at Jim Carey's film 23: "Jim Carey gives the worst performance of his or indeed any actor's career"
(Fri 5th Oct 2007, 12:54, More)

» Crazy Relatives

My Polish granma...
...not so much crazy, as deeply prejudiced against certain people.

eg. My brother asking "Aren't Poles quite anti semitic?", to which she replied "Is like, he is a nice man BUT he a Jew."

Also "Telling the truth, the good Germans, you can count then on your fingers"
(Sun 8th Jul 2007, 16:38, More)