» Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Just too polite
I've had some really good experiences with older women, but this one could double as my lowest of the low moment.
Scene - aged 18 and left in a club after my then girlfriend had gone home tired. To make matters worse, it was her birthday and I should really have gone with her. Unfortunately, I was alcohol fuelled and, shockingly for a teenager, incredibly selfish - so I stayed and by now was wearing beer goggles about 3 feet thick.
Anyway, a woman starts dancing with me, there's a bit of bump and grind and, hey presto!, we end up back at her place. Only the lighting is much less flattering here and, oh dear, she's a bit more ravaged than I thought? But... well, I'm here now and it would be a shame not to, wouldn't it?
Noooo - listen to your gut instinct, you fool. I was okay with the slight moustache, but when the top came off and I saw the hairy moles and a flat, wrinkly chest, it was just too much.
Problem - how do I get out of this? I pretended I needed the toilet and headed to the bathroom to think. Nothing obvious came to mind as I stared at my reflection in the mirror and I just couldn't bring myself to tell her that having actually seen her I just didn't fancy it. There's just no polite way to put it.
So... I tell myself just to get on and get it over with - it won't be THAT bad and, besides, the trouser snake is unlikely to care. Trouble is, there's a big difference between being ready for action and actually firing the heavy artillery. I climbed on board and we got at it and she was loving it and there am I - eyes tightly shut desperately trying to think of something sexy to provide a climax. Nothing doing and I'm too naive to even think of faking it. It went on for what seemed like hours before I was finally able to squirt something out and bring the sorry saga to a close.
On the bright side, she said it was the best shag she'd ever - it's a kindness that she'll never know it was for all the wrong reasons.
(Mon 8th Dec 2008, 15:29, More)