b3ta.com user Leitnhax
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» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

Confusion
Thanks to Fureyīs post this came to my mind:

Downtown Prizren, Summer 2005. Our Captain and the one from the Medic Section thought it was nice to stage an accident happening while we were patrolling the streets so they could test the reaction time of the medics.
Due to the fact that both were each sporting 3 different radios, the normal one, a motorola and a satelite celly the whole thing went terribly wrong making the rest of us running through the streets in teams of 2 trying to find the medics and guiding them to the wounded comrade.

During all that I was ordered to pretend giving first aid to my comrade and had a chance to listen to the two captains talking to each other.
The medic cptn said one sentence that will be on my mind forever when hearing about radio communication.

"I just hope we manage to confuse the enemy as much as we confuse ourselves"

Itīs so true...
(Sat 25th Mar 2006, 15:09, More)

» Personal Hygiene

Smelly
Personal Hygiene, well my time in the army comes to mind of course.

When we were out in Hammelburg ( Infantry School ) undergoing training prior to my first deplyoment to Kosovo.
We had this one guy in my Platoon who simply had a problem with personal hygiene.
It takes a lot to stick, or better stink out ahead of 7 other guys in your room after a few days in the field but he managed to smell like a rotten carcass. The result of this was that the Platoon Leader ordered ab NCO to supervise the bloke who then went to shower with him. Sounds ghey but we were all glad.
That however is not the end of the story since when we were actually in Kosovo, the hygiene lacking comrade got sick after two months and was sent home by the medics immediately. As good comrades, it was up to us to pick up the stuff which was left in his locker, put it in a bag and ship it back home.

Yes, we found something.

We found 3 two litre bottles not filled with coke but with a mixture of wee and jizz. Besides being disgusted, we then knew that the container we used to live in didnīt stink by default, but because of this smelly fella.
Being good comrades, we thought heīd surely have a use for the three bottles so we put them
into the bag that was going back to G-Many as well ( after poking a hole with a needle in it ).

To this day I am still puzzled how he managed to fabricate 6 Litres of cum and pee without anyone of the other two "containermates" noticing on a container the size of a matchbox.
(Fri 23rd Mar 2007, 0:50, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Jungle Hans
A guy in my platoon used to smell pretty
bad due to bad hygiene so his real name "Junghans " was changed to "Jungle Hans"
(Thu 18th May 2006, 19:02, More)

» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

Army Stories
Have to think hard, most stories come to my mind when talking to comrades.

Searching cars in Kosovo was sometimes fun ( Only sometimes, since most cars are a mess...i had to search through )

One time we stopped a BMW with two bearded, long-haired guys in it ( Seemed suspicious to my group leader ). Apparently they had been
through quite a bunch of checkpoints so they were pretty pissed off and starting to talk to my comrade "securing" the two of them in a voice which would have honored every italo-american wannabe mafioso from south bronx :

"Hey, why you always stopping me car? Do i look mafia? Does my car look mafia?! "

My comrades was trying hard to not burst into laughter while I was standing in their back looking at him with the biggest grin in my face i ever had.


Another time in Kosovo it was our turn in the routine to replace a platoon in downtown Prizren holding an outpost.
We were supposed to be there at twelve and somehow that day had already started out bad
beginning with 3 guys being late for morning parole pissing off the platoon leader, speeding
us up until dinner.

On our way to the outpost, inside the vehicle,
we were recapitulating what had already gone wrong that day and trying to imagine what could
even make it worse.

"Hah, yea, we gotta get our shit together today, otherwise shit hits the fan"

The Squad Leader said, while i replied:

"Yea, heh, the thing that could top it all would be that we forgot one of our men"

After a short moment of silence, the squad leader asked

"Hey...where is...private c."

Private C. was still at the field camp, after being late from dinner, he didnt make it to the parking lot in time but no one noticed due to being in a ptn-leader inflicted hurry.

The following days were not so pleasant, double shifts and so on...
(Thu 23rd Mar 2006, 20:58, More)