b3ta.com user enile
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» Accidental innuendo

San Francisco bar
I arrived in San Francisco, my first trip to the US, and met my client in the hotel. She and I swiftly located a bar. Observing the smoking supplies racked behind the bartender, I then loudly exclaimed "God, the fags in here are cheap!"
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 16:56, More)

» Conned

Aged eight and a three quarters
My local paper featured a weekly competition with a cash prize. I was a skint teenager with an expensive girlfriend habit, but by regularly sending in an entry I could top up my pocket money with enough for a trip to the flicks or a packet of three.

I figured, correctly, that "Uncle Arthur" of the "Kiddie's Korner" was never likely to invite me in and thus unmask me as considerably older and spottier than the talented junior I claimed to be.
(Thu 18th Oct 2007, 17:02, More)

» Tramps

Here's your fucking ear!
Back in the 80s I would often spend my lunch hour sharing some Special Brew with the dossers of Leicester Square. Once one came fresh from court and gleefully told her tale: she'd be scrapping with another lady of the road and it had got rough - her injured opponent had reached to her head and shrieked 'where's my ear'. She related, with pride, that she'd spat it out and crowed 'here's your fuckin ear'.
(Fri 3rd Jul 2009, 16:41, More)

» Debt pron

Economics students - not always the brightest
An economics student in my houseshare at uni (long ago) was under the erroneous impression that the number of cheques he had represented the amount of money he had to spend. As he was working his way towards the end of the book his bank (apartheid era Barclays) was becoming increasingly worried, and after a few polite requests demanded that he clear his overdraft forthwith. Unconcerned, he calmly wrote out one of the few remaining cheques for the full amount and put it in the post.

He did play rugby too, that can't have helped.
(Sat 25th Nov 2006, 17:13, More)

» Caught!

Poker school
In the upper 6th you could see into our form room from the corridor on the other side of the biology pool. Card games were forbidden, so we had to keep an eye out for advancing danger. One lunchtime four of us were enjoying a game of poker when we clocked the second master striding down the corridor - and he clocked us. Seconds later he burst into the room. "Kingston, have you been playing cards?" "No sir, I've been going over the physics lesson with Enile sir". "Enile?" "Like Kingston said sir". "Ward, you look guilty, what were you up to?" "Finishing off my homework sir". "Maskery, you've still got cards in your hand so don't even pretend to be innocent, I know you were playing cards". To which Maskery replied "Who with sir?"
(Thu 10th Jun 2010, 10:43, More)
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